How to PROPERLY Place Blame

I was sitting there innocently wasting time in Twitter instead of blogging or working on my Nano outline when lo, this post came to my attention.  I read it over and immediately noticed a massive problem: he was always blaming the wrong people.  I decided that it was my DUTY to set the record straight.

ETA: Don’t forget to check out other versions here and here.

Here, then, is a CORRECTED version of Mortigan’s list:

Amber’s Totally Fair and Unbiased Guide to Placing the Blame for Wipes


Cause of Wipe: The tank appears to be losing aggro left and right! 
Person to Blame:  The DPS
Possible Solutions:  First, cuss at them a lot and remind them to LOOK AT OMEN.  If they would just LOOK AT OMEN, then we wouldn’t have this problem.  CLEARLY, any and all aggro issues lay at the feet of the DPS.  I mean, they’re making it, right?  Totally their problem.  If that doesn’t work, take away the shamans weapons and make him DPS with mining picks.*

Cause of Wipe: The tank dies.
Person to Blame:  The DPS
Possible Solutions:  Clearly, the tank died because the DPS took too long to kill the boss and the healer went OOM.

Cause of Wipe: Boss immediately ignores tank and 1-shots the DPSers.
Person to Blame:  DPS
Possible Solutions:  Uh, DON’T STAND THERE, tardbuckets.

Cause of Wipe: The healer dies.
Person to Blame:  The DPS
Possible Solutions:  Misdirect onto the tanks correctly, hunters, or drop a frost trap!  AoE the adds down quicker! 

Cause of Wipe: The adds are killing everyone.
Person to Blame:  The DPS
Possible Solutions:  If you KILLED the adds then they couldn’t kill  YOU.  See also: previous wipe.  Alternatively, if you weren’t standing in fires all the time, the healers would still have mana with which to heal your legitimate ailments.

Cause of Wipe: The DPS is too low, and the boss enrages.
Person to Blame:  …the DPS!
Possible Solutions:  MASH BUTTONS FASTER AND WITH LESS FAIL.

Cause of Wipe:  People don’t know the fights.
Person to Blame:  the DPS
Possible Solutions:  Tanking and healing are very similar from fight to fight.  CLEARLY, if the strats are being mucked up it’s the DPS’s fault, because they don’t know what the hell they’re doing!  Go read strats, nubs!

*We honestly did this back in Kara.

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  1. #1 by Christopher on October 29, 2009 - 11:29 am

    Not sure why this is tagged for sarcasm. This is 100% factual dataz. Trust me, I’m a doctor. (And a healer, and a tank).

    In a 25 man raid, it’s safe to assume 8 (maybe 9 when there are 4 tanks or 6 healers) people are doing their jobs, and the remaining 17 are braindead sheep.

    Poor sheep.

  2. #2 by Matojo on October 29, 2009 - 11:31 am

    This post made my mo – afternoon. I mean.

  3. #3 by theerivs on October 29, 2009 - 11:34 am

    I think I see a trend….so your saying it’s the dps fault.

  4. #4 by TheAllianceGuy on October 29, 2009 - 11:38 am

    Lawl, being a Hunter I found the misdirect one particularly amusing :D

  5. #5 by kiln on October 29, 2009 - 11:41 am

    i believe you forgot to mention the retarded dps who broke sheep ^^ (always with the breaking of my farmyard friends)

  6. #6 by Linedan on October 29, 2009 - 11:42 am

    So how much DPS did the shaman do with mining picks? Bet he could beat me in arms spec.

  7. #7 by Mortigan the Blameless on October 29, 2009 - 11:43 am

    What?! I can’t believe you’d even suggest such a thing! Outrageous lies! All of it!

    I am blameless! Blameless, I tell you!

    Mortigan the Honest

  8. #8 by Heather on October 29, 2009 - 12:03 pm

    /cheer well written and well said!

  9. #9 by Backer on October 29, 2009 - 12:10 pm

    I’m certain the shaman with mining picks beats Amber’s shadow DPS

  10. #10 by Rhidach on October 29, 2009 - 12:35 pm

    As a tank, I support this message.

  11. #11 by Vorian87 on October 29, 2009 - 12:50 pm

    very well written *cough* although i am leaning towards mortigan’s write-up *cough*

  12. #12 by Amber on October 29, 2009 - 12:52 pm

    My guild’s rule: Caliste is to blame. If Caliste is not there, it is her fault for being gone. The only exception to this is if someone else does something so obviously stupid that we can’t blame it on Caliste. (Although then we’ll probably blame her for being the distraction that caused the problem.)

  13. #13 by Oriniwen on October 29, 2009 - 12:59 pm

    This post is relevant to my (healing) interests.

  14. #14 by Light on October 29, 2009 - 1:24 pm

    LOL. If you took away my weapons I could still pull aggro with mining picks!

  15. #15 by Morrighan on October 29, 2009 - 1:31 pm

    Raiders in my guild often hear me saying the same mantra:

    If the tank dies its the healers fault.

    If the healers die its the tanks fault.

    If the DPS die its their own fault.

    Still true.

  16. #16 by Starbuck on October 29, 2009 - 1:51 pm

    This post made me feel better. Thanks :)

  17. #17 by Wikwocket on October 29, 2009 - 1:57 pm

    “MASH BUTTONS FASTER AND WITH LESS FAIL” is my new motto. Sure it’s valuable advice for DPS, but it also applies to my day job!

  18. #18 by Koramoor on October 29, 2009 - 2:10 pm

    Lol trufax Amber. In the DPSer’s never ending quest to top the meters, they seem to forget they have real jobs too… Thank you for reminding them to stop effing around and wiping the raid.

    On a related note…
    If I here one more DPS who I ask for utility *cough*anaseptic poison*cough* say “but it’ll hurt my dps…” I’m going to shake them like a british nanny…

  19. #19 by Prot on October 29, 2009 - 3:34 pm

    There is nothing more accurate than this post. I sincerely support these theories and hope all people read and agree since it is the truth. :-D

  20. #20 by Nochecazador on October 29, 2009 - 3:57 pm

    LOL

  21. #21 by Ambrosyne on October 29, 2009 - 4:48 pm

    @Backer – In ToC? He probably could. :P Shamans were such aggro monsters in BC though, it seemed like they died every pull…

  22. #22 by shadowtycho on October 29, 2009 - 6:27 pm

    lol and in summery( in order):
    tanks fault
    – there is no reason why a tank shouldn’t have aggro

    healers fault
    -in the normal course of a fight you should be able to heal to the enrage

    dps’s fault
    -don’t stand there

    dps’s fault if it was adds that arn’t tanked
    -if there is no tank for it the dps need to kill it and there are no good excuses excluding that said add can only kill stupid people(like yogg tentacles)

    dps’s fault if the adds arn’t tanked
    -if there is no tank for it the dps need to kill it and there are no good excuses excluding that said add can only kill stupid people(like yogg tentacles)

    raid leads fault
    – if you hit a enrage timer(not withing 5%) then you may be in over your head and should go gear up, with in 5% its the dps’s fault

    raid leads fault
    -heavy is the head that wears the crown, if your raid lead then if people don’t know how to do there jobs its your fault for inviting them.

    aaaand i think that covers it
    as a side note:
    the first dps to blame a healer for a wipe that isn’t the raid lead = the person that fucked up and knows it and dosen’t want people to know.

  23. #23 by BethE on October 29, 2009 - 10:52 pm

    On the Shaman Threat in BC, it was kind of fun running raids with my husband who plays an Enhancement shaman.

    Since we’re in the same room, I wouldn’t even need the threat notice on Grid to tell when things were going wrong. I’d just listen to the sharp gasp from his side of the room and would automatically throw a bubble onto him. (I was the Spirit buff priest for my raids previously, a half-n-half.) Once 3.0 happened and I went full Disc, PS got a lot of workout with him.

  24. #24 by Cassandri on October 30, 2009 - 1:02 am

    Honestly success at WoW can be summed up with this line: ““MASH BUTTONS FASTER AND WITH LESS FAIL”.

    But yeah, I agree with Mortigan (even though he is a nasty Undead thing). Us DPS are *never* to blame!

  25. #25 by Paldasan on October 30, 2009 - 5:21 am

    If my mage deeps is to blame how come i have the lowest repair bill? :)

  26. #26 by Backer on October 30, 2009 - 9:22 am

    It’s ok, Amber. Just channel your inner Miley when you go Shadow. You should see a big DPS spike!

  27. #27 by Kazgrel on October 30, 2009 - 1:31 pm

    Now who’s to blame for the person(s) that manage to not run out of the way of that giganto-humongous yeti charging at them?

    Based on your post here, it surely wouldn’t be the DPS. :-P

  28. #28 by Ambrosyne on October 30, 2009 - 1:31 pm

    @Backer – Haet.

  29. #29 by Ron on October 30, 2009 - 2:09 pm

    It’s all about the climb Amber… All about the climb

  30. #30 by korenmolen on December 4, 2009 - 9:32 am

    Do you mind if I link to this? Possibly to a few of your flowcharts?

  1. Who Has the Hardest Job in Raids « Tengen's Blog
  2. Wipe Blame: The Tank List « Tanking for Dummies
  3. You’re All Wrong; Where To Really Place The Blame « Casual Hardcore
  4. Playing the blame game « Caer Morrighan

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