I KNOW ALREADY!

Dear Tank,

I know you need heals.  I see that your green bar is less green than it should be.

I know you have aggro.  There is a red outline around the square with your name in it.

I know you have stacks of the debuff on you, there’s a wee little icon with a wee little number in it on my UI.

In other words, I KNOW, SHUT THE FUCK UP, CLEAR VENT FOR SHIT WE DON’T ALREADY KNOW. 

From now on, any time you say “heal me!” I will repond equally inanely with “TPS the boss!”

No love,
The person who assigned individual healers to each tank, and was assigned to you and doing nothing but heal you…no, really

P.S.,

This isn’t the first time I’ve written a letter just like this for you.  WTF?

, ,

  1. #1 by Backer on November 3, 2009 - 11:03 am

    I can deal with this. I can’t deal with the idiot DPS who pulls aggro right at the start of a boss fight bitching about no heals.

  2. #2 by dsc on November 3, 2009 - 11:10 am

    heheh “dps the boss dps the boss” “tank the boss tank the boss’

    Has been my favorite comeback to that. As well as saying, say it again and I won’t.

  3. #3 by Askevar on November 3, 2009 - 11:20 am

    Dear Healers,

    Please forgive the tank for saying they need heals. We know you know your job. It’s not a lack of confidence that has us saying this, it’s out of frustration at watching our health meter drop and not being able to do a darn thing about it [healers really do have all the power n such]. So, on occasion, a request for heals slips out of our mouth, especially if we happen to be the raid leader as well. Just heal us as you can and let the infraction pass, unless we do it constantly.

    Much Love for bubbles n heals,
    A Tank.

  4. #4 by BigFire on November 3, 2009 - 11:32 am

    Dear Healer.

    The only thing I say in vent during a fight is to let you know that Ardent Defender has gone off and I’ve died once, and for the next 2 minutes I’ll be much more likely to die for real.

  5. #5 by Ambrosyne on November 3, 2009 - 11:51 am

    @Askevar – This tank is, unfortuantely, a…repeat offender. In fact if you go back to the EARLY days of this blog, and the first post I ever wrote that was linked by WI, you’ll find…a very similar letter, to the same person. When he was a rogue.

    /headdesk

  6. #6 by Martik on November 3, 2009 - 11:57 am

    This makes me laugh. I usually toss them a heal and then do nothing else. Well, you asked for a heal, you got one now shut the fuck up and let me handle it.

  7. #7 by Maerdred on November 3, 2009 - 12:02 pm

    Nahh.. I don’t think I will. I like the thought of a wipe and having to waste all of our time, and spending gold on repairs…

    Posts like these are stress relief. I love them.

  8. #8 by shadowtycho on November 3, 2009 - 12:22 pm

    dear healers,
    tanking is scary sometimes.
    sometimes things aren’t going right.

    tanking is nerve wracking specifically because if things are going wrong there is nothing you can do to fix it, and all you can do is cry out desperately for help. its not like you as the tank can magically kill the boss faster or magically receive more healing, you should be doing everything that increases your survivability all the time anyway, so if things are desperate dpswise or heal wise we just have to sit there and hope.

    so to all you healers if a tank is calling for heals its cause he is trying his hardest and it looks hopeless and there is nothing we can do and really the best thing you can say is “i got it” cause that’s what he need to hear.

    so keep that in mind.
    its what makes tanking fun but in the end your really just a extension of your healers skill, we aren’t just dependent on healers after a few hits all we’re doing is acting as a buffer.

    too all you how play healers, thanks for letting me be able to tank and such.

  9. #9 by Martik on November 3, 2009 - 12:27 pm

    To all tanks,

    All healers know why you do it,it just drives us insane. To us, it is like being told that, it isn’t that you are doing your job badly, but that you aren’t doing it at all. Keep in mind, that we aren’t just healing you, but in a lot of cases 24 other people, and sometimes shit happens. You just need to chill, take a breath and wait for the heal, because we are doing out best.

    Unless you say it all the time, because then we might let you die out of spite… Just saying

  10. #10 by kyrilean on November 3, 2009 - 12:40 pm

    “so to all you healers if a tank is calling for heals its cause he is trying his hardest”

    @shadowtycho – But when you cry for heals you’re saying we’re not. That’s what drives healers batty.

    Like Amber said, it’s like telling the tank to TPS the boss, which btw I was lmao when she said that on vent!

  11. #11 by shadowtycho on November 3, 2009 - 1:04 pm

    I’m just saying that when most tank freak out and call for heals they don’t say “I’m not getting heals!” they say “I need more heals” and its a big difference, one is putting down healers the other is clearly scared.

    side note:”I’m not getting enough heals” is a scared jerky tank

  12. #12 by Armagon on November 3, 2009 - 1:05 pm

    Dear Healers,
    don’t take it personally.
    If you are the MT healer and your pal is the OT healer and we’re still wiping due to tank deaths for the 3rd time on Gormok the Impaler when it’s usually a oneshot… it’s just a friendly reminder to the 3rd healer to finally stop watching scantily clad persons on his second monitor.

    Regards,
    your once-in-a-while “heal the tank” shouter

  13. #13 by Rhidach on November 3, 2009 - 1:07 pm

    I make a point of macro’ing /healme to all abilities.

  14. #14 by Ambrosyne on November 3, 2009 - 2:10 pm

    Later on he was like “I just wanted you make sure you knew I had the boss,” which, if he’d stopped to think about it, is almost insulting.

    How many fights require tank swaps, again?

    Do you really think that we don’t know how to tell which tank is tanking by now? Or how about the fact that we had two disc priests and a holy paladin, which is one healer per tank + one, so you even get heals while you DON’T have the boss but are bleeding!

    Gasp!

    What an awesome fucking idea-the healers doing their jobs!

    …sorry, I’m bitter.

    ETA: I’ve tanked. I’ve said “Oh god oh god heals” on vent. But I’ve never done so with the persistance matching this particular individual. There’s tank panic, and then there’s…repeat offenders.

  15. #15 by kyrilean on November 3, 2009 - 2:17 pm

    TO: all those attempting to defend tanks and their “scared” cries for help,

    We understand. But ask yourself one simple question:

    How often do you roll your eyes, get annoyed, or downright get upset when someone yells at you to grab adds heading for a dps or healer?

    If you want us to shut up, then please do the same.

    Thanks again,

    Your fed up healer :)

  16. #16 by Ambrosyne on November 3, 2009 - 2:20 pm

    @Ky – …but I call out loose adds all the time!

    >.>

    <.<

    *coughs*

  17. #17 by Celaeno on November 3, 2009 - 2:45 pm

    Sometimes I’m glad that the only people I can hear really clearly on vent are you, Mika, and Mach.

    “Heal me!” makes me lose my shit.

  18. #18 by Hughbert on November 3, 2009 - 5:00 pm

    To all my fellow Pally tanks:
    This is just a thought, but instead of screeching “heal me!” to the only other player who is more intimately involved with your health bar than you, why not pop your LOH instead? The thing that I never see most tanks who worry about their dwindling green bar do is utilize the OMGUBERHEALZ button that they have at their disposal every 15 minutes. If you think that your health is significantly low enough that it warrants you clogging vent with a shout of random nonsense, then be proactive about the situation and rectify it yourself. Chances are that you’ll just be overwriting an incoming crit heal from your favorite healer, but if it keeps you off of vent (and more importantly; their last frayed, standing nerve), I doubt they’ll have much of a problem with that :)

    (To all DKs, Bears, and Prot Warriors, disregard all of the above except the part about not clogging vent.)

  19. #19 by Saunder on November 3, 2009 - 5:13 pm

    If these people wont learn, then the only thing to do is calmly tell them that the next time they yell for heals and you aren’t legally blind (whether from booze or age or disease or whatever), they will be added to the LIST OF DOOM. Then you create a post that you keep updating with names, armory links, and dates and times that list idiocy :D

    Of course maybe I just need a beverage to calm down at this time in the morning ;)

  20. #20 by Ambrosyne on November 3, 2009 - 6:03 pm

    @Saunder – I had vodka in my Mt Dew by the end of that run.

    No joke, either.

  21. #21 by heala on November 3, 2009 - 9:33 pm

    asking for heals is the best way of ensuring u not getting it..

    this is y i stop playing my priest healer.. it’s frustrating.. and annoying.. what do u think healers r doing? taking a nap? if u don’t trust ur healer, don’t raid with them..

    back when i was healing.. i immediately stop healing when someone ask for heals.. even if it’s the MT.. i’d rather wiping the raid than take the insult..

    seriously.. how would tanks like to hear ‘more threat!!’ or ‘tank the boss!!!’ or ‘tank the adds!!!!’ play ur own damn class..

  22. #22 by Kestrel on November 3, 2009 - 10:53 pm

    The one I hear way, WAY too often is “All heals to [insert tank's name].” Say WHAT? SERIOUSLY? ALL heals to the tank?

    Because some day, I just may reply on Vent in my “I’m really pissed and fed up right now but YOU ASKED FOR IT” voice, “All healers, please single-target heal the tank until the wipe is called. No DOTs, cuz we need BIG heals on the tank, and no one else.”

  23. #23 by Kestrel on November 3, 2009 - 10:57 pm

    Oh, and to all you tanks who wrote in about why you ask for “more heals”? I promise, you do NOT want to hear a half-dozen healers replying, “TANK HARDER!” as we see adds get loose, or mages uber-critting and pulling aggro (which, of course, results in a domino-effect wipefest).

    And finally, just in case you DPSers are thinking you’re skating this time around, screw that shit. When I hear a DPS say anything the least bit critical of healing, my standard response is, “Kill the boss faster.”

  24. #24 by Lolzmoonfire on November 4, 2009 - 6:10 am

    You keep making me want to transfer my Resto Druid to your server and apply to your guild. How dare you.

    But seriously, my tank (who is apparently taking a break, along with other people running off, leaving me with no ten man and thus nothing to do ever) did this all the time. “Heal this person! Oh god, heal this person! Oh my goodness, heal me!” It gets old and annoying. We have bars on our screens for a reason, and we don’t need you telling us to fill them up.

    That being said, I have no problem with him telling me something like, “Enrage in five, gonna need big heals on the tank”, or letting us know when he’s taunting. It’s just when people say “Heal this person!” Especially when I’m casting a heal on them, and they’re generally full health by the time people are screaming about it. >.>

  25. #25 by Duht on November 4, 2009 - 7:42 am

    I don’t do “Heal Me!”

    I do “OHMYGODIMGONNADIE!”

    Sometimes I throw in an AAAAAAAAAH! if I stay in ohmygodimgonnadie mode for a period of several seconds.

    Cool as a cucumber… that’s me man.

  26. #26 by Ambrosyne on November 4, 2009 - 10:23 am

    @Duht – It’s not unusual for me for go “Aaaaah!” over Vent. This is a good sign that I have gotten the attention of something I do not want. Occasionally I’ll run to a tank going “GET IT OFF GET IT OFF!” in a high pitched, girly voice…

  27. #27 by Amber on November 4, 2009 - 10:52 am

    Dear Tanks,
    I promise I see your health bar and am spamming heals on you as fast as I possibly can. Those glowy death-wings on your back are there for your protection, not mine.
    ♥ Your resident Holy Priest

    Dear Healers.
    When I’ve blown all of my CDs, have all of the aggro, and am still not getting heals, then you’ll have to forgive me for calling out for them. I know it’s irritating, but I’d rather piss you off by calling for heals than actually wipe. At least I’m not the jerk DPS in the corner standing in fire and bitching at you if you do mess up.
    ♥ Resident Bitchy Pally
    P.S. Where’s my fucking chocolate?

  28. #28 by Leitlamaa on November 4, 2009 - 1:52 pm

    I am going to pile on – it is also highly annoying to your healer if you are compelled to report on Vent that you have died – or, worse, report that somebody else has died. I have Grid, it has colored bars, one of which represents you, and it just turned gray with the word “DEAD” under your name – I probably figured it out before you did. Also, before you even realized you were dead, I have probably also figured out whether you can Reincarnate or use a Soulstone, and if a battle rez is available, decided whether you are worth spending it on. So examine the finely detailed stone floor in an extremely up close and personal matter, and ponder the circumstances that led to your being there.

  29. #29 by Linedan on November 4, 2009 - 3:32 pm

    I don’t go “heal me.” I just quietly die. I am too busy frantically pounding cooldowns to reach over for my Vent PTT key or type “ZOMG HAEL MY GIGANTIC COW ASS NAO PLOX GORRAMIT” in raidchat. Then when we wipe and the officers are looking over what happened, if they ask my opinion, that’s when I venture my opinion that something caused me not to get heals–whether it was a lag spike, an assignment mixup, a healer distracted by something shiny, I don’t care. I let the healing officers figure out the why, I just tell ‘em what I saw.

    See, I get that you guys don’t want to hear me griping for heals mid-fight. I don’t want to hear somebody busting my nuts mid-fight yelling something like “that add’s eating the DPS” while I’m chasing it after some jackwad DK has dropped Army of the Taunt on it and pulled it clear across the room. So I’m gonna treat y’all like I would like to be treated, and let you do your jobs. It’s only fair.

  30. #30 by Voink on November 4, 2009 - 6:04 pm

    I actually have 0 issues with tanks calling out for heals (although to be fair, our MT has a wife who’s a healer, so that doesn’t happen enough to irritate me).

    DPS asking for heals, on the other hand…

  31. #31 by Sushicookie on November 5, 2009 - 12:26 pm

    LOL! Yeah… I feel like this sometimes.

  32. #32 by Julanna on November 5, 2009 - 1:00 pm

    TPS the boss! is a good answer.

  33. #33 by MrKite on November 6, 2009 - 9:40 pm

    As someone who’s MT, OT and raid healed almost every encounter since vanilla WoW, and tanked most everything since BC, having tanks yell out for healing is the most annoying and insulting thing I can think of. I think any tank that says this should be forced to roll a healer to see how frustrating it is.

    And for DPS, you’ll get your heals once the tanks are taken care of. Until then, get out of the fire or die in it.

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