5 Things Your Pug Healer Wants You To Know

/wave to Altadin for the tank version.
There’s also a general DPS, mage, and DK version.  I copied first though, damn it!

1. Just because I have good gear does not mean you can be stupid.
Yes, my priest is solidly decked out.  No, this doesn’t mean you can do whatever the hell you want.  I can keep a tank up through most things a 5 man can dish out, but if the DPS is standing in bad?  Uh, no.  I’m a high crit, low haste disc priest healer set up for raid tank healing.  I am not set up to deal with all 5 of you trying to die at once.  Cut it the fuck out.

2. If you insist on running too far ahead of me, running out of range/line of sight, don’t get upset when you die.  It’s your own damn fault.

3. My mana bar is not your fucking buffet table.  I don’t want to have to run in after a wipe, buff, go OOM, drink, then have to heal you lazy gits and drink again.  Half the time we don’t have a mage so I’m using purchased water, so you can purchase some fucking food.  My own guildies were doing this to me last night and I wanted to slap them.  The only person who can get away with that level of lazy is Cranky Tank.  Unless you, too, are fucking your healer, don’t do it!  And then you’d better be good, because lazyness plus lousy sex is just fucking terrible.

4. Don’t pull aggro on mobs, then feign/soul shatter/cock ice block next to your healer.  I don’t want it, either, you dipshit!

5.  Don’t stupidly pull aggro on the waves of trash on the Two Dudes fight in HoR.
‘Cause then you almost die, and I panic and heal you, so they aggro on ME and then I die and we wipe AGAIN and just what the fuck hold on a god damn second will you?  Kthx.

BONUS 6. When it says “stop DPS” then you should STOP DPS…because usually, continuing DPS means you’re killing one of your team mates.  Seriously WTF?  No.  Here’s the secret: I CAN heal through stupid some of the time, I just choose not to. Okay?  Okay.  Don’t make me lose my penance button.

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  1. #1 by Pike on December 22, 2009 - 10:11 am

    The bit about Cranky Tank in #3 made me laugh heartily. <3

  2. #2 by Arrens on December 22, 2009 - 10:11 am

    If it’s any consolation, Bubs, I’d totally soulshatter/vanish right next to you
    Every.
    Single.
    Time.
    I <3 u.

  3. #3 by Dechion on December 22, 2009 - 10:16 am

    Alrighty, now instead of finishing the one I started I can just send folks here.

    Nicely done.

    Oh, and #6 If I run back, you run back. I will in fact stand there and not rez lazy folks after I run.

    I have all day to wait for you, and can have a new group in 12.7 seconds if that’s a problem.

  4. #4 by @valkyrierisen on December 22, 2009 - 10:19 am

    Great stuff. Loved it.

  5. #5 by @valkyrierisen on December 22, 2009 - 10:26 am

    oooh well said Dechion. I’m in the same boat. I have no problem alt tabbing out while waiting for lazy bums.

  6. #6 by Matojo on December 22, 2009 - 10:32 am

    I love this post.

  7. #7 by falconesse on December 22, 2009 - 10:41 am

    “My mana bar is not your fucking buffet table.”

    Oh god. This.

    Also, different but related: when my mana bar is empty after a long boss fight, I need to drink before I can rez you. I KNOW you’re dead, I just can’t DO anything about it for a few more seconds. If I’m seeing “Hey, can I get a rez?” in party chat, I’m going to let you lick the floor for a few extra seconds after my resurrect button lights up, just because.

  8. #8 by Ambrosine on December 22, 2009 - 10:44 am

    @falconesse – Yeeeeesssssss. That, too.

  9. #9 by Oasic on December 22, 2009 - 11:19 am

    I approve of these points.

    1, 2) Especially for the boss in one of the new instances that stacks those frost debuffs

  10. #10 by Splat on December 22, 2009 - 11:31 am

    “My mana bar is not your fucking buffet table.”

    Corollary:

    Yes I know Warlocks have that nifty ability to convert health into mana. I’m thrilled for them, really. But if they feel the need to poke a hole in that fragile health bar of theirs so that all the green pours out, they also need to remember that my first 2 priorities are the tank and myself.

    And to the ‘lock who said “I’m not OOM until you’re OOM,” I’m totally sorry – I meant to heal you, really. Don’t know how you died on the next 3 trash pulls.

  11. #11 by elfennau on December 22, 2009 - 11:33 am

    This post gets two thumbs up. And #3? PURE. GOLD.

  12. #12 by Ophelie on December 22, 2009 - 11:46 am

    #3 is my pet peeve too. I’m fine with everything else, I like challenges. But don’t freaking expect me to waste mana spoonfeeding you HP when you can eat all by yourself like a grownup.

  13. #13 by Ndiayne on December 22, 2009 - 12:14 pm

    Rule 7. If you, as a DPS, say “HEAL ME”, then you move to the bottom of the PC priority list for said heals.

    Rule 8. If you’re rude about being a DPS not being healed through Bad Shit You Can Move Out Of, then I will “lose” you on Grid. Period.

    Corollary to 7 and 8: DPS is ridiculously easy to replace, and I will kick your sorry ass from the group if you’re an asshole or an idiot.

  14. #14 by Fuubaar/ Abigora on December 22, 2009 - 12:15 pm

    My biggest pet peeve has got to be when I’m in an instance were I can skin the mobs.

    Heaven forbid I loot/skin something before the tank runs away & pulls.

    “Where were you?!”

    My bad. Sorry I didn’t have you on /follow

    *grumble*

  15. #15 by Shawndra on December 22, 2009 - 12:38 pm

    I don’t half mind throwing a renew on a lock that is intentionally damaging themself in the name of killing a mob. I do, however, have a hard time wasting mana when they do it between pulls.

    Oh, and the tank that asked if I was going to heal the dps the other day….Yeah sorry you couldn’t get the mob off me so I could heal more than myself. Glad you all left to find another adventure.

    Do any of you feel more patient, even after earning the title? I don’t.

  16. #16 by Tego on December 22, 2009 - 1:15 pm

    Another blog today that needs a disclaimer, this time because #3 nearly made my choke on my coffee. Great list, though I will admit that I can be evil to a healer almost more than the lock. Chain pulling in heroics can put My tankadin ass OOM quicker than… well anything but a spec change. So I have been known to equip my healing set really quick for the heals I get after I pop back up to 48k, sory healers, but your mana bar is my rage bar =) at least when DP is on cooldown and falls off.

    Though to note, I do normally do this to my finance’s shaman healer… so #3 holds

  17. #17 by Morrighan on December 22, 2009 - 1:35 pm

    Can we please make every player read this and accept these terms and conditions before entering a heroic?

  18. #18 by Myssidia on December 22, 2009 - 2:37 pm

    9) If you’re told “Move out of the raid. You have the debuff,” don’t stand there and say in vent “What debuff?”

  19. #19 by Fricassee on December 22, 2009 - 2:37 pm

    There are too many mages going around making us look bad as a class. I’ve decided to make my own post about 5 things your PuG mage wants you to know, but it’s somewhat focused on how to identify scrub mages.

  20. #20 by Busket on December 22, 2009 - 3:13 pm

    Oh god, #5. I actually got kicked from a random HHoR group because the idiots thought I was the reason they kept dying. Here’s some hints. Do: Attack the priests and mages first. Don’t: Attack the footmen, pulling them away from the tank and next to me, where they hurt you and also get in shield bash range so I can’t even cast a heal. The HOK random I did instead probably finished faster than the HHoR group; I feel bad for whoever had to replace me.

  21. #21 by xuna on December 22, 2009 - 3:39 pm

    well… I had my share of this.

    From the hunter who had EVERY single slot gemmed with Spirit… to the warrior in enhancement shaman gear, I had seen all ranks of stupid a person can be.

    and #3… oh gosh… I disagree the main point just because my usual tank is male as well as I… I am just… not into that stuff. No one gets aways with that. NO ONE.

  22. #22 by Ringo Flinthammer on December 22, 2009 - 3:53 pm

    Healers: If you group with me, and I throw an ice trap down at your feet, DO NOT RUN AWAY FROM IT. It’s there to give you a few seconds for everyone to taunt anything that comes at you off you, for you to hit Fade, and so on.

  23. #23 by ekinara on December 22, 2009 - 4:23 pm

    #3 This is now a rule in my guild unless your screwing the healer you run back unless told otherwise.

    #5 Usually results in a vote kick to the scrub i was saving unless its a guild member in which case they have the skull removed over vent. :-)

    OOOH add an extra
    #7 “the patient” is often worn due to its glaring irony; many healers sporting the lovely title will seem most patient when waiting for you to die in a fire!

    As always funny stuff make my morning at work entertaining

  24. #24 by Rhidach on December 22, 2009 - 5:00 pm

    I see where you’re coming from, but I think you’re missing the win-win situation that is me running out of LoS from you to pick up three more packs of mobs.

  25. #25 by Tobeume on December 22, 2009 - 7:51 pm

    As a fellow tricked out Disc Priest, thank you for this! Especially 3. When ‘Locks do that life tap thing it irks me. OMG, you *can* survive at 90% mana but not at 30% dead. Be thankful I’m not a complete ass and bubbled you.

    It should also be added just for Paladins that having Crusader Aura up for the entire instance/raid is sloppy and it makes you look bad. And if asked politely to change it, don’t be an ass and point out that success in H UK isn’t dependant on your aura. Just effing change it. It took you longer to argue about it and than to the change it.

  26. #26 by anonymous on December 23, 2009 - 12:08 am

    So if I want to stay dead and wait for rez and healz I just need to fuck you?

  27. #27 by HoHo on December 23, 2009 - 3:01 am

    “The only person who can get away with that level of lazy is Cranky Tank.”

    On my pala I don’t ever eat for two reasons:
    1) I’ll be OOM after buffing, those heals give me a few thousands extra mana
    2) it takes two rounds of food to fill myself up

  28. #28 by ZombiePirateXXX on December 23, 2009 - 6:16 am

    This sounds exactly like my FoS and PoS groups last night! I still love being a Disc Priest though.

  29. #29 by shadowtycho on December 23, 2009 - 7:00 am

    wow this list makes me sound slike a terrible person.

    1) i dunno…. im pretty stupid.
    2) i tell people straight up i don’t stop pulling. unless some one is dead. but if i tell you that its cool right? thats what i thought anyway.
    3) i finish fights at full or dead and i don’t have food. on the flip side i can start pulling at 50% health after that wipe if you really want to…
    4)yeah, thats funny. also why blizz gave me intervene.
    5)i just dont pug HoR.

  30. #30 by Ambrosyne on December 23, 2009 - 9:37 am

    @anonymous – You’re forgetting the “and be good” part. Sorry.

  31. #31 by Turiel on December 23, 2009 - 10:50 am

    See all the healers who complain of running low on mana and having to drink after topping off a party need to roll a paladin. Rare is the day (even rarer that I’m actually healing, I’ll take the instant pop-groups for myself tanking rather than waiting) that I dip below 80% mana on my Pally. Self Buffed 34k+Arcane Torrent+DP does that.

  32. #32 by Rajjs on December 24, 2009 - 11:33 am

    LMAO #4. Seriously what the hell were you thinking…that me in my cloth could protect you in your leather. Right…

  33. #33 by Redauroa on December 24, 2009 - 12:24 pm

    Thank you for making this!! Point number 3 is my pet peeve. I can’t stand being in a group the expects me to heal them after a wipe. My own Hubby doesn’t do it to me (Even if he gets the right too)why should strangers do it. The part about Cranky Tank made me laugh out loud.

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