AFK: ____

Last night was Beat Our Heads on Rotface night.  It not was an ideal night, as one of our tanks had gotten hacked, another tank was gone for his father’s birthday, etc etc. 

I’ve heard some good reasons to AFK in my time, included “afk earthquake” and “brb, fire”.  I can now add to the list one of our own, that in the very least is….random.

We’re sitting there almost ready to pull Rotface again when Josh answered his phone, then abruptly gets up from the chair and walks away.  I halt the raid and flail in confusion while I figure out what’s going on.  The problem?

Josh’s parents are driving home from picking his brother up at the airport, and they’re going to stop by and say hi!!!!!!

/headdesk

Yeah, that kind of stalled the raid.

So, what are some funny/unexpected reasons YOU have seen for AFKs?

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  1. #1 by shieldbreakr on March 5, 2010 - 10:03 am

    This wouldn’t be a problem if he was at baseball practice, but since he is sitting in front of his computer at home it is fine to just drop by. Both essentially accomplish the same thing (nothing), but one is weirdly protected by societal norms and the other is not. Strange dichotomy.

    Strangest AFK I’ve seen? “afk water just flooded my apt”

  2. #2 by Pike on March 5, 2010 - 10:03 am

    There was some sort of major tornado going on in… somewhere, can’t remember where. (this was a while ago)

    And the guy in my PuG goes “brb, tornado” and is gone for five or ten minutes, then comes back and informs us he lives in [whatever place was on the news for that tornado].

    Dunno if he was being entirely truthful or not, but it amused me at the time…

  3. #3 by Lodur on March 5, 2010 - 10:05 am

    I’ve done the afk, fire before. That was fun.
    I’ve also had afk, bleeding when my cat landed on my neck while jumping from up high and took a nice cut with her claws.

    From my raiders, afk, landlord trying to evict me.
    afk, my dinner is lose in the house. (lobster climbed out of the pot apparently)

    But my favorite raid stopper of alllll time goes to an old bear tank of ours Gorgonz, while getting ready to pull Leotheras the bling in SSC we here on vent.

    “um…. afk a few…. need to go get a new game card….”
    Nothing says awesome like one of your main tanks having to go away for an hour to get a game card lol.

  4. #4 by verde on March 5, 2010 - 10:05 am

    /AFK downing a can of cider and smoking a cigarette.

    /AFK wife forcing me to wash the dishes

    /AFK cat just chewed through my headset cable

  5. #5 by Pike on March 5, 2010 - 10:07 am

    OH WAIT! I have another one.

    Not really a “brb” or “afk” but close enough.

    We PuG’d this guy for Kara a few years ago and he spent most of the raid telling us “whooooa, guys, have you tried [insert street name for random drug here]“. He was apparently getting high the entire raid. On like, ten different things.

    The best part is that at some point his toon just stopped moving… went AFK… was DC’d… 15 minutes passed before he came back and the first thing he said was “DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE!”

    Cracked me up. I wonder what sorta trip he was having.

  6. #6 by Matojo on March 5, 2010 - 10:08 am

    “afk cat’s trying to tank” – me
    “afk cat’s trying to eat my feet” – me
    “afk cat’s going crazy again” – me
    “afk cat demands foo ohgawd why asdfgjklsendhelp” – me

    etc etc etc

  7. #7 by falconesse on March 5, 2010 - 10:08 am

    The reason for the /afk was a bio. But it took our hunter a loooong time to get back. He comes back on vent, and announces, “Sorry, I had to wash my carrot.”

    (Yes, he meant an honest-to-god carrot, not a euphemism, but that didn’t stop us from making it into one, by god…)

  8. #8 by Ambrosine on March 5, 2010 - 10:10 am

    Oh, there was also, “AFK the CO2 alarm is going off and we don’t want to die” from us…

  9. #9 by Psynister on March 5, 2010 - 10:11 am

    Dog chewing the sofa.

    Dog crapped on the rug. (same dog)

    Dog won’t stop humping his leg. (yep, same dog)

    Cat trying to eat pet fish. (same owner of the dog)

    Son bashed daughter in the face with a (toy) sword.

    Mom demands the trash be taken out, NOW. (heard that one 10+ times)

    Dishes and/or laundry need to be done right now. (same kid as above)

    Kid had to afk to tell his friend about his first sexual experience from earlier that night. (and he forgot to turn off vent, and left the guild that night after they made fun of him)

    “Pizza’s here!” (two hour’s later) “Pizza guy just came back, asked if he left his ink pen…”

  10. #10 by Xuna of Ragnaros on March 5, 2010 - 10:12 am

    well… i live in southamerica… and the earthquake is not precisely what I would call a joke at this time.

  11. #11 by HoHo on March 5, 2010 - 10:12 am

    “afk, getting BJ” – true story. I’ve tried getting one without afking but it nearly resulted us wiping on 3xknock :(

  12. #12 by Jov on March 5, 2010 - 10:13 am

    Back in Molten Core, we had a druid (half of a couple) typo “afk for a sec” to “afk for a sex”

    Yeah, some things you can never live down…

  13. #13 by Jez on March 5, 2010 - 10:13 am

    I got to USE “brb, tornado” once. As in log out, shut down computer, go hide in the laundry room until we get the all clear, and log back in.

    But given that a tornado ACTUALLY hit my house a few months earlier, I got a bye on that one.

  14. #14 by shieldbreakr on March 5, 2010 - 10:15 am

    @jov: I’ve typed that a few times over the years, in my defense my wife is a warlock and knows how to get what she wants. =)

  15. #15 by officergleason on March 5, 2010 - 10:16 am

    AFK: I think there’s a gang fight on my street.

  16. #16 by puggingpally on March 5, 2010 - 10:27 am

    Best one I’ve seen:

    AFK: hamster stuck in a tube.

  17. #17 by Len on March 5, 2010 - 10:36 am

    I had to /afk once to report my upstairs neighbours to the police when we heard some very dodgy noises, shouts, screams etc :/ Social responsibility is cool kids!

  18. #18 by Melfina the Blue on March 5, 2010 - 10:52 am

    My weirdest one personally was “afk, dog fell off bed”

    In my defense, she’s a little dog, and the bed is high.

    I have seen “afk, cops showed up” before, and that was, well, odd.

  19. #19 by Kaelynn on March 5, 2010 - 11:04 am

    @Lodur – I don’t know why, but the lobster climbing out of the pot completely cracked me up. My officemates must think I’m crazy.

  20. #20 by Tyben on March 5, 2010 - 11:23 am

    From a previous guild and before my time there, but:

    ‘Key healers on Twins being disconnected from the internet while living at a Jesus camp because, and this is a quote, “The lord does not approve of such intense gaming.”‘

    Quoted from http://elitistjerks.com/blogs/deenogger/169-suprised_tank.html

  21. #21 by dorgol on March 5, 2010 - 11:48 am

    I did an “logging out, fever is spiking” a few weeks ago. I probably shouldn’t have been online at all.

    We had a raider, on vent, tell everyone he would be right back. In the background we could hear alarms… really, really, loud alarms.

    Turns out he had a fire in the apartment above him.

  22. #22 by Jasyla on March 5, 2010 - 12:06 pm

    The most amusing AFKs I’ve seen are from people who should probably be watching their children rather than playing WoW.

    “AFK, my daughter got into the tool shed”
    “AFK my son just hit the baby with a hammer”

    Oh, and when I say amusing, I mean awful.

  23. #23 by Rades on March 5, 2010 - 12:12 pm

    Best I’ve heard personally is AFK SHOOTING…apparently she lives in a dodgy neighborhood and there was some gang violence going on just down her street. Definitely a “…” and “…did she just say…?” moment for the rest of us.

  24. #24 by Prot on March 5, 2010 - 12:30 pm

    Reasons I’ve seen:
    Gotta go cat’s on fire
    Gotta go there was a major accident outside my apartment
    Brb, logging to an alt for an enchant (and then never come back)
    Brb, have to get gold I paid for

  25. #25 by Neuron on March 5, 2010 - 12:30 pm

    A couple of my favorite ones over the years:
    -”brb, CO2 alarm is going off…. OK, I opened a window. It’s still going off, but just pull.”
    -”afk, cat fell out of a window.”
    -”Wait a sec, there’s smoke coming from my PC”
    -”brb, my brother fell down the stairs again”

  26. #26 by Kestrel on March 5, 2010 - 12:35 pm

    “afk catfight” — our two Siamese (brothers, same litter) suddenly are on the outs with each other. First, it sounds like two dogs growling (not little dogs, either). Then…yeah. Ugh.

  27. #27 by theerivs on March 5, 2010 - 1:08 pm

    The best I got was, I had to afk – someone is trying to break in my car. I lived in an apt complex, I look out someone was trying to break into my pimp ride. I ran out there chased the bugger off, and called the cops.

  28. #28 by Tenicus on March 5, 2010 - 1:08 pm

    The ones i have gotten the most guild comments over were one night in Ulduar, my wife came downstairs to get something as she was half ready for bed:

    “sorry for the wipe guys, my wife came by half naked, and I got distracted”

    and while I was watching the kids one day

    “BRB Sounds like my son is on the table” (He’s a climber)

  29. #29 by Tedra on March 5, 2010 - 1:19 pm

    /afk My sister put Exlax in my drink and I’m pretty sure I’m about to lose my intestines.

    He was one of our raids healers and we waited a good half hour before someone decided to phone him and see if he was alright.

  30. #30 by Sarlalian on March 5, 2010 - 1:54 pm

    AFK, cat just threw up on my keyboard…. thats the only funny one I have…

    Also have, AFK, some stranger is in my back yard, and AFK my roommates are fighting again and I need to watch this.

  31. #31 by jeffo on March 5, 2010 - 2:15 pm

    Strange one I heard was ‘afk, lawyer’s at the door’ — gotta wonder about that one.

    Oddest afk that I had to report: afk for a goose that had been hit by a car. Wife and I are wildlife rehabilitators and someone showed up at our door with the bird. Worst part of it was the next day, when I had to tell the guild that we had to euthanize it.

  32. #32 by Elena on March 5, 2010 - 3:13 pm

    Last night two skunks decided to duke it out under my bedroom window. I was main tanking and we were about to fire up for another attempt at Arthas when I heard all the animal screeching just outside and smelled musk. I blurted “AFK, Skunkfight” and headed for the bedroom. I opened the window and yelled at the critters (they’d already sprayed the 6′ x 6′ enclosure) and then unloaded with the vinegar filled super squirter I keep there to deal with migrating wildlife.

    At least when I got back to the raid 5 minutes later I was able to report I’d hit them as badly as they’d hit the house. Even so, I’ll be sleeping in the living room for the next few nights.

    Might qualify.

  33. #33 by Joe Ego on March 5, 2010 - 3:14 pm

    Not really afk, but we were reforming after a Vezax trash wipe with only half the raid present. A hunter randomly shoots, once, a mob. He does nothing and says nothing else as we’re wiped again.

    Two minutes later: “the cat in my lap jumped on the keyboard.”

  34. #34 by Miss Medicina on March 5, 2010 - 3:51 pm

    “AFK for sex”

    ….

    Sure, it was a type but c’mon. BEST TYPO EVAR.

  35. #35 by Sarai on March 5, 2010 - 8:14 pm

    @ Matojo…

    Okay, why do you have my cat? O.o

    And yes, I’ve had to use some of those….

    AFK, cat’s eating my feet/arm/hand etc.

  36. #36 by Morrighan on March 6, 2010 - 5:10 am

    I had one guy literally fall asleep at his keyboard during a Kara run once.

    Also was in a pug with this guy who did /afk cops raiding my house. He then proceeded to tell us a long story about how his family was being victimized by the police. Very strange.

    Had a few /afk [insert crime here] happening outside.

    My personal favourite was the other night. A raider DC’d and never came back. Apparently he was trying to reconnect when he noticed his fish were floating …. his toddler had overfed them and he had to go rescue them.

    /afk to feed your cat is 100% acceptable and in fact necessary. Hungry cats wipe raids!

  37. #37 by Pixelated Executioner on March 6, 2010 - 2:26 pm

    Some that I’ve used:
    “AFK, cat on fire.” (Don’t ask.)
    “AFK, gunshots outside.”
    “AFK, pizza’s done.” (I was actually told that I couldn’t go get it until the instance was over – um, sorry, asshat, but I’m not burning my dinner so you can get your badges 30 seconds faster)

    Some that I’ve seen:
    “AFK for a quickie.”
    “AFK, ice cream guy.”
    “AFK, cat running into thp;wrjee;wlkdefjasdoifuqw”
    “AFK, just sneezed all over my monitor.”

  38. #38 by kittyeatface on March 6, 2010 - 2:49 pm

    Amber, you didn’t even mention the best part. Weren’t they coming by because they had to use the bathroom? :o

  39. #39 by Dukotar on March 6, 2010 - 8:11 pm

    Back when Naxx was srs bsns, our guild was about to attempt Sapphiron for the first time, and we had a 2 minute break just before the pull. I went to get a glass of milk, came back to the computer and sat down. As I sat in my chair, the leg broke off the chair, the chair collapsed, I spilled milk everywhere. So yeah, i had to go afk to clean up my milk.
    “Hilarious” spilt milk jokes ensued in vent.

  40. #40 by Ophelie on March 7, 2010 - 12:07 pm

    It wasn’t an /afk but rather a /gtg, once in a Heroic Shadow Labs PuG the tank said:

    gtg, gf just went into labor

  41. #41 by LiquidCooling on March 8, 2010 - 1:06 pm

    Our guild is full of funny afks-

    our main tank and main healer are bf/gf and live together, so
    /afk, “MT” is being a dick.
    at the same time as
    /afk “MH” is being a bitch
    was pretty interesting.

    /afk, gotta help with groceries- This one is really common.

    (over vent) Uh guys, my mom just told me that she put a time limit on my game, /disconnects during putricide, I think its-aw shit. -Holy Paladin

    from the same kid
    /afk, mom’s on the rag :o

    Possibly the best was our main hunter’s reason for afking
    “uh, guys. The wife is frisky, and frisky wife > server firsts.”

  42. #42 by Daffnae on March 8, 2010 - 11:38 pm

    /afk, dorm was just hit by an airplane (message actually received via text, as the airplane knocked out the power).

  43. #43 by SkabSkab on March 15, 2010 - 6:41 am

    Not really an afk because I couldn’t find the proper keys to type it but, after about a week of not sleeping I had to go to the doctor to get sleep pills. It was the very first time I was in Halls of Lightning and 10 mins after I took my meds I proceeded to walk in circles not being able to see the entire screen… after a few mins of everyone laughing at how gone i was the told me to just follow the dots on the screen… I couldnt find the dots on the map so i just stopped in the middle of the dungeon. After a few more mins of them just loling at me my wife gets on and says “sorry skab’s (character name) gtg he just fell out of the chair and smashed his head…. hes ok… snoring but ok.”

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