Posts Tagged open letters

Dear DPS in Full PVP Gear

ETA: If you can go into a heroic in pvp gear and do 15k DPS, this post is not about you.  Also, there’s a line between “I am a PVPer stepping into PvE content” and “I’m a PvEr who bought these blues off the AH when I dinged 85 and didn’t bother to reforge, gem, or enchant anything, so that I could have random people carry me through heroics.” It is the latter who have sparked my ire.

Dear DPS in Full PVP Gear,

Look, I realize that using PVP gear to cheese the ilevel requirements is a quick and easy way into the new heroics. Really, I do–see my own pvp shoulders?  But please understand one thing: the heroics themselves will not be quick and easy while you’re limping along doing less than half of the DPS of everyone else. 9k is not an acceptable amount of DPS.

You can’t count on some uber DPS trying to cap VP coming along and carrying your sorry, lazy ass. Murphy’s Law states that you will be tossed in a group with all or one of the following:

  • other DPS doing the exact same thing and sucking just as hard
  • someone on an alt still figuring out WTF they are doing
  • some fucking idiot who thinks that wearing half healing and/or tanking gear to DPS is somehow fucking hunky dory
  • someone with 2 FPS
  • someone with perfectly good gear who is just That Guy who is terrible no matter what

And then things won’t die fast at all and your healer will run out of mana healing these super long fights while the 2 fps guy stands in bad and OH GOD THE PAIN WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!

Newsflash: the normal heroics are STILL IN THE GAME.

GO FUCKING RUN THEM YOU LAZY ASS COCKKNOB.

Get some other heroic loot and some JP stuff and then maybe, just maybe, you can fucking SUPPLEMENT your shit with pvp gear to cheese the last bit of ilevel, okay?

BUT YOU REALLY CAN’T WEAR JUST PVP GEAR AND NOT MAKE ME WANT TO RIP OUR YOUR ANUS VIA YOUR THROAT.

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19 Comments

Dear Loot Gods

Dear Loot Gods,

You’re not funny.  When I bring my hunter, dropping not one but BOTH of the major upgrades my paladin needs is cruel.

I hate you, please die in a fire.

No love,
-Always On The Wrong Toon

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7 Comments

Red Gems Are Manufactured With Crack

Dear Blizzard,

My disc priest?  Wants red gems. 
My hunter also wants red gems.
In fact, a lot of people want red gems.  Tasty, tasty red gems with straight (insert crucial stat here).  Things like spell power, agility, strength, and attack power are very important to multiple classes.  So why couldn’t you PUT THOSE STATS ON OTHER COLORS SO THAT RED GEMS AREN’T ALWAYS HUNDREDS AND HUNDREDS OF GOLDS?

Just a thought.

I mean, why can’t a straight strength gem be…yellow?  Or something?  There’s always one color gem that’s cheaper than the rest, shift something to THAT color so that we can, I don’t know, spread the pain?

No love,
The consumer of 200g gems that everyone else fucking wants too which is why they are never in the gbank omg

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37 Comments

Open Letters to Pugs

Dear Fail Bear,

Asking if everyone knew the fight, given that it was Oc and most people bail first chance they get, was good.  Announcing “pulling” into the silence that followed when everyone wasn’t even back on their mounts yet was silly (many other questions will be ignored, but usually a ‘ready?’ will garner a hurried response if not).  Trying to vote kick me because I suggested that you ask before pulling (again: “pulling” =/= asking or a ready check) is silly, especially as your healer is my guildmate.  You are probably not going to succeed, and the person you tried to vote kick will know about it. 

Check guild tags, yo.

Love!,
The cheeky hunter

Your turn!  Later today, if luck is with me, the Saurfang strat will go up.

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22 Comments

How To Express An Opinion Without Being A Dick II

Dear Children Masquerading As Raiders And Even Officers In My Guild,

Can you grow the fuck up?  Look, I realize that So and So has an opinion you don’t agree with.  I realize that he has all the tact of a 16 year old in the middle of an emo fit with his parents sometimes.  But that doesn’t mean that you have carte blanche to turn around and act 5, instead. You can damn well put your epeens away and cut out the snide remarks.  It doesn’t help, and it doesn’t make you look better, nevermind right.  And when two of you are officers and in the middle of a raid, you really have no fucking excuse.

God damn, people.

Maybe said person needs to be removed from the guild, maybe he just causes too much strife because we’re not a good fit for him but, damn.  Again, not permission to act like children yourselves.   You can take your dodge/parry/stam stacking bloodshed somewhere else, and not during raid time.

RAWR.

-Angry Healer with the GM Hat

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15 Comments

Dear Horde of Azgalor,

Dear Horde Of Azgalor That Keep Fucking With Me While I Camp Loque,

Fuck off and die.

No love,

That BM Hunter

Dear Rogue That I Killed Even With My Level 76 Trash Pet,

Look, I know this is a novel concept for a rogue player, but try actually sneaking up on me, okay?  Don’t drop down in FRONT OF ME, then vanish, because then I’m just like “…” and  then I kick your ass.  Also, when a hunter starts kiting you in circles it might be time to walk away.  Just saying.

Loling At You,

The Fail PvP Hunter

Dear Warrior,

See note to rogue about when a hunter starts kiting you in circles.

<3,

Jamethera

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7 Comments

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