Sometimes, I’m a Bitch

Like all humans, I am a flawed individual.  Sometimes, said flaws exhibit themselves in random thinly-veiled frustrated comments in vent after which I log off in an apparent huff (sorry, guys).

To most people, this made absolutely no sense.  Indeed, my behavior didn’t make much sense to me, either.  But I sat there and picked myself apart…

…and a lot of it comes down to guild drama.

I hate guild drama.  So why the fuck was I making it?

Shortly before my Random Angry!, a certain priest with which I seem to have entered Perpetual Drama Combat with talked to Josh on vent.  When I switched mains, my DKP switched from Ambrosyne to Lyrandre.  Now, the rules state that there’s no sharingDKP between characters-I can’t, for example, go back on Ambrosyne and then use some of what is now Lyr’s DKP for something.  But there was no mention of main swapping, at all.  My switch isn’t sudden, either-it’s been in the works for months, and as a random note, my Vent name has been Lyrandre since the day I rolled on Azgalor.  His questioning the situation was, perhaps, valid-but because it was That Priest, it grated on my nerves.  He’s already stated that I’ve been “put on notice” (ha, ha-how does a raid member put an officer on notice, anyway?), so now I just feel scrutinized.  If feel as if he’s waiting, and watching, for me to fuck up so that he can get upset over it.  Naturally that makes me want to be a right bitch just for the sake of it, which is…very very bad. 

To be fair, I’m sure he felt similarly scrutinized at the beginning of all this, when I originally started eyeballing our healers for improvement.  But there’s a difference between my trying to find ways to suggest that as a holy priest, you might want to do something other than spam Gheal on the tanks during raids, and his downright spiteful behavior.  I didn’t get upset over his healing for no reason.  One of the first things I did was talk to experienced holy priests to get their take on the situation.  When the general consensus was “Yeah, he kind of sucks,” then I tried to nudge him in the right direction.  When he took offense to that, I stopped.  His behavior since has only worsened.

So what the hell does all that have to do with my Random Angry? 

That Priest has become enough of an issue where he was going to be “talked to”-this was the general consensus reached by officers on Monday. 

So here we are on Friday, and he has not yet, to my knowledge, been “talked to”.  Now That Priest wasn’t always on, but he was last night.   I’m frustrated that it seemslike, to me, that heels are being dragged and I probably have the least amount of tolerance for it.  The guy’s copping an attitude left and right and not only towards me.  He’s tanked a raid on purpose “just to be an asshole” (his words!).  He’s not even raiding with us anymore, but rather spending a lot of time running with another guild, instead.  While it’s true that we’re not wanting for healers, when Naxx25 was progression content it would have been nice to have the most geared toon in the guild along (in theory, anyway).   Why the fuck are we just twiddling our thumbs about this?  So yeah, when the GM is asking for instance runs for his 78 warrior alt, and I’ve already instanced my toons to death of late, feel on edge already from earlier events, and want to know why the fuck problems aren’t being handled, I might be cranky. 

Not to say my behavior was called for-it wasn’t.  But nothing drives me more batshit insane than a problem I have to wait for someone else to handle. 

I think I’m going to keep my ass off vent for awhile, since it’s easier to edit what I type than to take back random shit that spews out of my mouth.

There’s also an undercurrent of “I pugged almost all of my normal runs and saved guildie instance help for heroics, why the fuck can’t you, Steve?” but that’s a whole ‘nother issue in and of itself.  Namely one called “fuuuuck I just did all those to death and YOU WANT ME TO GO BACK?  WAI?!?!”  How the hell do people have 3-4 80s already and still be sane?!

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  1. #1 by Hatch on April 3, 2009 - 11:38 am

    Yep. It sucks that you’re in a situation where you don’t feel like you can say this stuff.

    I’ve been exactly there (“I pugged my instances, why do you DEMAND guild help from our geared characters for stuff I had to pug?” and “someone isn’t performing well, but they are so sensitive that if I dare to give them constructive criticism they will start throwing constant hissy fits”). It sucks ass because other people are forcing you into a situation where you have to do something you don’t want to do. They are essentially attacking you, and using “social norms” to make their problems your problems.

    In all of those cases, it turned out the right answer for me was to just come out and say it anyway. Things will never change if people don’t have real social consequences for what they do. Remember, they really do bring it on themselves. They are the ones doing something wrong, but they set it up so that if you protest, you are doing something “wrong” (“Cattacking” a “friend”, which you aren’t supposed to do, supposedly).

    Normally, Gevlon is a bit daft, but this recent post by him is really relevent to your situation:

  2. #2 by Ambrosyne on April 3, 2009 - 11:50 am

    See, that’s the thing-we’re avoiding dishing out consequences to the priest being a jerk, and it’s driving me batty.

    The running alts thing is a little thornier. Yes, he did run my priest through a couple of things. And we’ve run him through a couple of things. But I’m looking at this AND the future heroics grind and sobbing a little inside. I have a really hard time saying no, which leads to me getting cranky and…well.

    Yay for alts on other servers. >.>

  3. #3 by Khaeli on April 3, 2009 - 12:06 pm

    And this is why I will never ever ever serve as a guild officer again. I’m way too much of a bitch. At least you’re only a bitch sometimes :P

  4. #4 by Rivyn on April 3, 2009 - 12:12 pm

    Lay waste to problem guildies or populate your ignore list. Works wonders! Things to always keep in the back of your head in these situations (putting on my old guild officer hat on):

    1) it’s just a game and should be fun.
    2) it’s just a game and should not contain facets of real life which induce stress, fear, paranoia, or insanity.
    3) it’s just a game. Period.

    When people lose site of these 3 important items, situations like what you’ve explain will occur. My suggestion? Eliminate those who fail to understand the items above. The world wont end for the guild (or you) if INSERT_PRIEST_NAME_HERE leaves of their own volition, is booted out, or simply ignored.

  5. #5 by D on April 3, 2009 - 12:33 pm

    Ah, yes, another fellow female player that has become, for lack of a better description, “the guild bitch”. Mine started months ago over an officer inviting someone back to our guild that had left of their own accord in a huff over something stupid. I was opposed to bringing them back, but apparently they had reached out to everyone accept myself, mended things with everyone except myself, and got an invite back into the guild even though I was still fuming mad about the whole thing.

    I also fume at the fact that several of our guild members who go to Naxx EVERY week STILL fail at the Dance. These same people get hit by the flame walls in OS. And yet, still, they are taken into Naxx and OS again and again while others (like myself) who DO know how to Dance and avoid flame walls KNOW are overlooked for raid spots.

    My boyfriend, to further complicate things, was our guild leader. He would disagree with some things that I said, and agreed with others, though he is much more diplomatic about things and knows when not to “stir up trouble” while I have a complete lack of knowing when not to.

    After months of my bitchiness at various members of the guild for various things, I finally left that guild two days ago. My boyfriend is still the guild master, and I wish them the best, and all of my best in-game friends are still in the guild, but I feel more free than I ever have.

    I might just start my own guild – that way, I’ll be in charge instead of just an officer. My boyfriend might just join me and leave the other guild in one of the officers (who I had a problem with) in charge. If my boyfriend leaves, then I’ll steal my friends from that guild, too, the ones that don’t fail at everything. Because despite my bitchiness, they stood by me and remained my friends, even after I left a drama-causing (and admittedly too harsh) post on the guild forums about “why I left” (some people might be leaving, since they percieve that certain officers of the guild are the ones that caused me to leave.)

    My bitchiness could have been scaled back, and I could have been more diplomatic about things, but I knew that the only way I could have felt good about myself would have been to do what I did, which is let everything out, harsh or no.

    Why is it that when a man is harsh and unforgiving and willing to point out failures, they are considered a tough but good leader, while a woman is just considered a bitch?

  6. #6 by Ambrosyne on April 3, 2009 - 1:03 pm

    There’s being a bitch, and being firm. Last night I was just randomly a bitch-while it had it’s causes, my behavior was…not great.

    It was the same sort of “random angry outburst that’s really about something else” that we gave Failpriest hell for. Only less severe. :P

  7. #7 by HP on April 3, 2009 - 1:23 pm

    Ugh, the best geared person in the guild and the worst healer? I’m surprised he hasn’t caused your other healers to gquit or something. That is just something that would chafe me raw! They better not give the legendary to that asshole!

    He sounds like he has problems with authority especially a woman evaluating his performance and finding him subpar. Sadly, too many people are like that in wow.

    Don’t worry about being a bitch because you are not wrong in this case. Women get called bitches for standing up for themselves but men don’t get called assholes for getting shit done. Not very fair but that’s how it is.. so keep doing the right thing!

  8. #8 by kyrilean on April 3, 2009 - 2:03 pm

    “How the hell do people have 3-4 80s already and still be sane?!”

    [b]Who said they were sane???[/b]

    @ D – “I might just start my own guild”. Don’t do it! Don’t do it! LOL! :P

    @ HP – According to InventoryOnPar the last time I ran with him, yes. Not just the most geared healer, but the most geared in guild and I like to think I’m pretty damn geared myself!

    And although new to the guild myself and not wanting to cause more drama, I’ve kept silent. However due to a post on our forums, he used it in what appeared to be an attack on Amber after she called me a “shadow bitch” and I responded “What?!” It was fairly obvious we were joking around.

    @ Amber – You’re not wrong to vent. You’re not wrong to “bitch”. It’s cool you acknowledge you didn’t handle it the best way, but then again sometimes the best way is to just log off vent.

    At any rate, I like being on vent while playing and I still don’t know that many people, so if you need to vent, pull me into a separate channel and vent away! :)

  9. #9 by SuicidalPriest on April 3, 2009 - 3:35 pm

    Hmm, guilddrama sucks, and sometimes you can’t avoid it unfortunately… Last night I had my own share of it towards one of our resto druids considering being too late for a raid… It’s crazy for which things people can start drama. People like that can be missed in guilds…

  10. #10 by Ambrosyne on April 3, 2009 - 4:05 pm

    @HP: He’s an older military guy, so I’m sure my being a critical young female has something to do with his behavior. And thankfully he got most of his gear in pugs, so it’s not as if he “took” that gear from guildies and now sucks (same with most of my pallys gear).

  11. #11 by Pixiedark on April 3, 2009 - 6:55 pm

    Wow Ambrosyne, that sucks. I’m sorry you had such a rough night, but there are a lot of people out there who can relate, myself included. It’s perfectly reasonable to be cranky based on what you’ve said about That Priest…I don’t know that I could have kept my cool as long as you if he was causing wipes on purpose or ditching guild runs and pugging with another guild on a regular basis. Those actions lie pretty close to /GKick grounds to me. I was an officer in a past guild on our old server and it was nice in some ways and stressful in others. You feel as you have to be “polite” to everyone when some of them really need a kick in the ass. Sometimes, it’s more important to make the issue/anger known than to worry about how you come off… granted, everyone will have different opinions on that, but I’m more of a be honest even if it might hurt someone rather than not tell them at all kind of person. I have patience, to a point, but there’s a breaking point and when you start feeling like you’re truly being disrespected it’s time to take things into your own hands (or your fellow officers hands). I hope they do talk to him, or that you get an opportunity to… though it sounds as if it might be more beneficial for another officer to speak with him at this point. You’re not breaking any rules by transferring DKP to your new main, it sounds, and if you’re miserable raiding on your pally and your priest is geared “enough” to raid there’s no reason you shouldn’t be able to. Tell Mr. Priest to get his head out of his ass or find another guild, you don’t need his drama. =)

  12. #12 by Kestrel on April 5, 2009 - 1:41 am

    Wait…he admits to screwing a raid just be an asshole…is running with another guild (when he could be running with yours?).

    I say give him the freedom he seems to want, and /gkick his ass. Then let the chips fall where they may. (I’m betting the fallout will be negligible.)

  13. #13 by Ariene on April 5, 2009 - 10:50 pm

    I entirely agree with the two above comments! If he’s blatantly causing wipes, and has the audacity to gloat about it (and isn’t even that much of a healer), then you won’t be missing anything except headaches (and drama) when he’s gone. :) The only complication I see is what effect a /gkick would have on the overall moral of the guild. But if the majority of people don’t like him, I say boot!

    I think that I tend to have a different philosophy on guilds than most other people, though. My three most important criteria would be a willingness to learn, a non-asshole requirement in themselves, and dedication (both to the game and to the guild).

    After all, gear, player skill, etc, will all follow if they have a willingness to learn, and a dedication to the guild, but the reverse (an exceptionally well geared player without a willingness to learn) is not necessarily true. Most of my guilds in other games are considered to have most of the “best” players in terms of knowledge of the game, skill familiarity, and skill execution in both PvP and PvE, but our old philosophy was always, “No Assholes,” and “If you’re not open to learning new things — no matter how good you think you are — please don’t waste your time and ours.” We took in a lot of players who were beginners, and who had absolutely no idea what they were doing, but they listened and listened, and eventually, we were learning from them, too. I think this is part of why the members of my old guilds were always so fanatically loyal to each other, and stuck together so firmly through thick and thin. Knowing that I owe my current ability to someone’s patience and kindness seems far more binding to me than knowing that I owe my uber gear to someone.

    But to stop rambling, “That Priest” doesn’t seem to have any of the three things that I find so crucial, and so that is why I’d seriously consider a /gkick if I were the guild leader.

  14. #14 by Pixiedark on April 6, 2009 - 7:45 am

    I couldn’t agree more with what Ariene wrote about the kind of people I want with me in a guild. I was feral for a year or so before I went back to resto and I was a bit clueless. I’m not perfect in any spec, but I feel most comfortable in resto… feral is a close 2nd. One of my old guildmates, Gritknobian, was a HUGE help to me when I was respecced feral. He was knowledgeable, and ran a ton of instances with me and my other friends, in order to help me be a better kittahrawrbear. He showed me the best gems to get and the best enchants for my gear. I am a better tank, when I spec feral, because of him and I’ll never forget that.

    If someone is an all out asshole, I don’t want them around. If they’re just not a smart player, but open to learning and suggestion, no matter how poorly they’re geared, I’m willing to help in any way I can. I’d rather have someone “moldable” than an all out jackass (That Priest qualifies for that title) any day.

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