Letters from Ulduar

Dear ___: Open Letters To My Guild Mates, or Why Amber Goes Insane

Dear DPS on Iron Council,

Don’t stand over there.  I can’t heal you.  I kind of need to stand near my tank, and my tank kind of needs to stand over here.

Okay, so you’re now standing in such a way that my green box is lit up.  I can heal you and you can stop bitching about not getting heals.  Cool!  …do you wanna come closer for Power Infusion? 

Sometimes we’re kinda busy, and when dickhead over there refuses to move out of the blue circle and starts shitting lightning everywhere, it’s…well…ouchy.  But our holy priest has this nifty thing called a lightwell!  It’s sitting right there!  …why is the holy pally the only one near it?

…I still can’t reach you with PI, you know.  Oh well, your DPS loss.  I’ll keep it for myself.

…why the fuck are you all the way on the opposite side of the room again?

Weeping silently, on the inside,
-your healer


Dear DK Tank,

I’m standing on the left.  You keep running away from Overload (or whatever)…to the right.  WHY?
I have a heart attack every time your box goes gray.

Weeping less silently on the inside now,
-your healer


Dear Josh,

My beloved.  You have tanked for me for years.  I am comfortable with your ways.  I know you are a clever, clever tank-one who will use his cooldowns, not run out of range, wait for my mana, and gather up all the adds that love to come give me hugs.


Is well past weeping and now sobbing,
-your healer*
*this is a post in and of itself


Dear GM,

No, I don’t want to heal without replen on Iron Council.
No, I really don’t.
Yes, my mana bar does get kicked in the nuts.
Yes, it is kind of important. 
No, I don’t think that having the Surv hunter go MM to help the DK tank kick that damn boss out of the blue runes will make up for the lack of replen. 
The whole instance is designed ar-

-your healer


Dear fellow priest,

Thank you, Ron, for displaying mana regen meters and explaining to Mach why no replen is Bad.  I will refrain from killing people for yet another day.

Love and butterflies,
-the bubble dispenser


And last but not least, a tidbit from the Hodir attempts:
“Why the hell did you die like that, Atropus?”
“…oh!  I wasn’t jumping!”

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  1. #1 by Splat on June 16, 2009 - 10:29 am

    Dear PUG raid leader,

    Every healing class has strengths & weaknesses. When you tell the druid to only heal the tank and the paladin to heal the party, you demonstrate a fundamental misunderstanding of what healers are capable of doing.

    We can perform in those roles, sure, but it would be better if you swapped us.

    Rerolling as a hunter who knows how to keep one eye on Omen,

  2. #2 by Ambrosyne on June 16, 2009 - 10:34 am

    Dear Splat,


    -the holy pally who was once assigned raid heals by a holy priest

  3. #3 by Elleiras on June 16, 2009 - 12:17 pm

    Dear Boyfriend,

    Please read Amber’s letter to the DK tank who decided it would be clever to run -away- from her during overcharges.

    I know you know better.


  4. #4 by Ambrosyne on June 16, 2009 - 12:39 pm

    @Elle – *consoling pats*

  5. #5 by kyrilean on June 16, 2009 - 2:54 pm

    That last one although EPIC FAIL was EPIC HILARIOUS!!!

    /cast Holy Light
    /cast Holy Light
    /cast Ho….


  6. #6 by yunk on June 16, 2009 - 4:23 pm

    Dear hunters and ret pallyies:
    yes your dps is leet, but your replenishment is only up 70% of the time. What do you mean how do I know? It’s on worldoflogs where I post our raids every week. What do you mean you’ve never been there? I tell you every week!
    No Recount is not a subtitute. Being highest on the damage meters in recount does not mean you are doing your job.
    sighs at lack of progress

  7. #7 by Perrin on June 16, 2009 - 5:46 pm

    I think my Tauren Druid MT is moonlighting as your Hodir tank. Bouncy Bear Isn’t.

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