Tanking Misadventures

If you want to know just how much of a fail tank I really am, you need to see me on Lyestra.  There’s something about flailing around as a warrior that is great for destroying any WoW-related ego I have. 

I am-at least, by how I measure such things-an inexperienced tank.  I leveled my paladin as holy, only picking up tanking after acquiring a fairly decent set of gear when Kara was on farm.  I spent some time tanking a few heroics and Kara before I transferred to Azglor…where Steve was cruel and threw me into SSC OTing. 

I had my prot warrior to 80 in those days, but she never even set foot in a heroic.  Neglected alt was neglected.

When the pre-Wrath patch hit and fubar’d all my tanking gear (that oh so carefully juggled combination of tanky stats and spell power), I went back holy,only picking prot back up well into Wrath. 

I’m not sure that such a sporadic, mostly raid-based career as a perpetual OT was the best way to go.  I like to think that I don’t suck…on my paladin.  My warrior, however, seems to be a constant flail fest of lost aggro.   Maybe this is just because I’ve never geared up as a tank before.  My paladin always started with a collection of hoarded epics.  Lyestra has started from scratch so to speak, and may be suffering for it.

This shaky tanking career is probably why things like this are terrifying:

omg omg omg omg omg omg omg!  Performance anxiety, performance anxiety!  This is only an alt!  What am I doing!

I felt immensely clever for things like dropping consecrate in one alcove and then running to another so that I could easily pick up two of the three spawns right off the bat.  It doesn’t take much to make me happy, though.  >.> 

We cleared all the way through Saurfang…albiet barely.  Saurfang was one of those post-enrage, one paladin left alive, bubbled and flailing wildly type kills.  I’ll take it, though!  Thank you, Pity Buff!

Of course as fail of a tank as I am, I know that certain behavior is uncalled for.  Let’s say, for example, that you are invited to tank for a weekly raid run.  The group consists mostly of a particular guild.  The other tank, who is a member of that guild, tells you to tank the adds.

Do you politely say okay?

Do you politely say okay even while inwardly bitching about how add duty sucks sweaty donkey balls?

Either of those is fine.  The following, however, is not:

And we’re kicking you from the fucking raid!  Good night, Fivestar douchecanoe!  Thanks for calling us all typical fucking children, you typical small dicked twatwaffle!  Enjoy your wasted raid lock-out!  I only regret not turning on trade in time to wield my rapier wit against your fail whining.

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  1. #1 by Linedan on March 31, 2010 - 11:11 am

    Who was your weekly boss that Captain Twatwaffle had an issue with?

  2. #2 by Rades on March 31, 2010 - 11:15 am

    Haha wow that’s…unnecessarily hostile. The next few seconds in raid chat following the inevitable, DELICIOUS kick must have been awesome.

  3. #3 by Alas on March 31, 2010 - 11:19 am

    I bet that was a raid kick that felt gooooood. Just wow.

  4. #4 by shieldbreakr on March 31, 2010 - 11:22 am

    re: “inwardly bitching about how add duty sucks sweaty donkey balls” .. that is why I dropped tanking right there. Only one tank can tank “the boss” (sometimes a rotation, sure) and the rest are relegated to Stepford add duties. Spamming threat while staring at boss crotch is one thing, doing it while staring at add crotch is completely another. I recognize that I fail at “teamwork” with this attitude, but that is why I switched to full time DPS (where there is a hard, objective metric that is constantly monitored to see who is the best).

    Main Tanking seems to be “I was here first”, where as DPS is more “I am first, catch me if you can”. One imposes a culture of entitlement and inside cliques. The other offers progression and respect to people who bring it every single pull. I prefer to live on the side of the fence that can do math. =)

  5. #5 by Ambrosine on March 31, 2010 - 11:24 am

    @Linedan – Sarth. lololololol

  6. #6 by Ceralyn on March 31, 2010 - 11:31 am

    Wow. That’s pretty ridiculous. Especially from a paladin. They should be used to being assumed ‘add duty’ tanks

  7. #7 by Ambrosine on March 31, 2010 - 11:34 am

    @shieldbreakr- It really depends on the fight. On Ignis, for example, OT fail = raid wipe, often in very short order. I saw it happen (as the healer who was getting killed) over and over when that was progression for us. I think that ICC has, in general, been better about involving both tanks for 10s. 25s are a bit different, and someone usually ends up flopping between DPS and back, but I think it’s better.

    I personally prefer the OT role, but I’m a pansy.

  8. #8 by Sawyer on March 31, 2010 - 11:59 am

    Depending on the fight the OT has to be a better player than the MT. Rotface anyone? The MT stands there and tries not to fall asleep, the OT tries to hold aggro on a mob you can’t actually melee very much for fear of bloody death, while praying the rest of the raids doesn’t screw up and get you killed. Ignis is another great example, Freya is another one. Especially as a paladin I expect to be given add duty since we excel at the snap aggro needed much of the time to do the job correctly. I hate it when assholes like that give the rest of us a bad name.

  9. #9 by Adlib on March 31, 2010 - 12:07 pm

    I’m just curious as to how this guy got so entitled that he thinks he can say that and not get kicked. I mean, what did he think was going to happen, you all were going to be like “oh, okay”? Pfft, the idiocy of some people.

  10. #10 by theerivs on March 31, 2010 - 12:21 pm

    So My tank Fivestar had an interesting raid last night, I told some druid named after a feminine product to basically fuck off.

    they kicked me, and I have no clue why.

  11. #11 by MasonRhade on March 31, 2010 - 12:21 pm


  12. #12 by Hassel on March 31, 2010 - 12:22 pm

    The more I read this blog, the more I like this guild, and your style. I need to get off the pot and bring a character to this server and try and be worthy of a guild invite. No matter the ill, laughter is the medicine.

    “sweaty donkey balls” indeed! lol


  13. #13 by Krikket on March 31, 2010 - 12:25 pm

    I was always pretty easygoing on my tank. I took whatever job they gave me – of course, the benefit of being noobish and slightly undergeared while in the company of friends meant I normally got the *easier* job on every fight.

    But yeah, if you’re a guest at someone else’s party? You don’t hop behind the bar and start making drinks. If you want to politely propose an alternate strat? Feel free, really. But yeah, that guy was a jackass.

  14. #14 by Kotakh on March 31, 2010 - 12:29 pm


    Amber isnt even telling all the story. That pally was a total dick right from the start.

    His first word after zoning in OS were: “Mage, make me some strudel! Otherwise i’ll just sit here and make you all wait while i regen my mana.”

    Then, as we start buffing, someone asked in raid channel for Might instead of wisdom (or something like that). Our wonderful pally friend answer was: “I only buff king. If you want something else, whine to the other pally”

    And he ended with the part Amber screenshoted with his wonderful “Fuck you” when asked to tank the adds.

    The kick off the raid was indeed very satisfying. Also, thats all he said during the entire raid. Nothing else.

    The he went back to Dal and badmouth our guild for 10 minutes…of course we were the problem :)

    Why mister 4600 gearscore pally felt entitled to tank the boss and tell us all to fuck off…i have no idea.

  15. #15 by Riv on March 31, 2010 - 12:51 pm

    Its your name it inspires hate, and contempt. :P

  16. #16 by Forreststump on March 31, 2010 - 12:54 pm

    Twatwaffle. Ooooooooh, the visuals… Do those… *cough* come *cough*… with maple syrup or whipped cream?

  17. #17 by Hassel on March 31, 2010 - 1:21 pm

    They do if you’re doing it right. ;-)

  18. #18 by Joe Ego on March 31, 2010 - 3:30 pm

    More like sweaty my balls. I’ve only been tanking since last summer and I still have a hard time controlling ICC trash and taunting in a timely fashion. I’m perfectly happy tanking Rotface while the other guy gets the hard job.

    And the only time I make sure I’m the one tanking the fucking boss is in a heroic. Then again, if this tool wanted to do it so badly then I’d be nice and make sure JoL never dropped off the boss for him.

    What? I’m trying to hit 2k dps in my holy gear and I can’t let retards hold me back!

  19. #19 by shadowtycho on March 31, 2010 - 4:26 pm

    i love tanking so much… so so much.
    moar tanking.

  20. #20 by Andy on March 31, 2010 - 5:08 pm

    Hell yes, OT is a much more interesting job than MT “stand in one place and mash buttons like a DPS”. In fact you don’t even have to mash buttons that hard, just enough to ensure you don’t lose aggro.

    (DK protip: mash Icy Touch)

  21. #21 by Smoogee on April 1, 2010 - 2:51 am

    LOL…that was the best tank slander I’ve witnessed in years. You put into words the feelings I’ve had many, many times for guest turds.

  22. #22 by shadowtycho on April 1, 2010 - 8:17 am

    has just occurred to me, why is there not some sort of boo portal for my convenience?
    why cant i just have one rss feed and read all your wonderful commentaries.

    … its because im a moo cow isnt it…

  23. #23 by Voink on April 1, 2010 - 12:39 pm

    @ Amber – YESYESYES on Ignis OT comment. I died to adds so many times (or had to save myself instead of a pot person/tank, leading to a wipe) on that fight that I was ready to punch through my monitor.

    Also, I have a similiar story to share for fellow bubble minions – we did a 25 ICC with guildies + a few friends and pugs. A pug hunter gets invited, and the first thing he says is “Please confirm that all loot will be open rolls and that nothing is reserved or I’m leaving.” Something to that effect, except being more of a douche about it.

    Since we’re still getting the raid together, I tell him to chill as we’ll go over loot rules once everyone is here so we don’t have to repeat it a half dozen times. He says “Nope. Please confirm that all loot is open rolls and nothing is reserved.”

    Yes, we get that Blizzard is going after loot ninjas but this guy was being a twat. After another minute of this, our intrepid raid leader/GM confirms his statement, and then rewards his intrepid quest for knowledge by booting him.

    Point for the day: if you’re in a mostly guild pug, don’t act like you’re entitled.

  24. #24 by Kah on April 1, 2010 - 5:04 pm

    That’s the first time i’ve heard “douchecanoe”.

    I love it! xD

    GW dealing with it tho.

  25. #25 by Nadia Butter on April 27, 2010 - 2:26 am

    Slightly off the subject perhaps, but a plea for people to consider the ethics of purchasing items like designer clothes. Please try and think about, for example, the things the product is made with, the conditions of the factories where they’re made and the ethics of retailers. Oh, and endeavour to recycle instead of discarding. Thanks!!!!

  1. On being a team player: how much is too much? « So Much WoW, So Little Time
  2. Thanks for the reminder « The Tytalan Way
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