Posts Tagged Amber is in a strange frame of mind again

Warpath

I’ve been on something of a warpath lately and I’m not sure why.  At least, I can’t nail down every reason neatly. 

And by “warpath” I mean “gone completely batshit in various peoples directions”.   It’s the little things that set me off right now.  Take, for example, tomorrow night’s sign ups.  Why do I have officers not signed up?  Why do I have someone in a position of import signed up on an alt despite my no-alt policy? Do you enjoy underminding my authority and making it look like I selectively enforce my rules? God you’re a silly git who hasn’t evn thought of it that way, I bet.  AMBER SMASH RAWR RAWR.

Ahem.  These are all problems that should be addressed face to face.  And they will be dragged out at the next officer meeting, I assure you.  But in the meantime I’m this tightly wound ball of Angry.  This is not a good time for me to be Angry at WoW, not when I’m weighing other real life passions and going “you know if I gave up WoW I could have more pony timez!!!!!” 

I don’t understand things like “well I don’t need anything on this character” as a reason to not attend raids.  Reasons like that just DON’T EXIST for me.  Back in Vanilla WoW, AQ40 held nothing for my paladin.  Nothing.  Not a single item, not when we started the instance and not when we cleared through C’thun trash.    But I attended every single god damned raid becuase you know what?  Other people wanted stuff from there and I enjoyed raiding with my guild.  That is the sort of mindset I have: I raid for fun, and to play with friends.  That is the standard I hold everyone else to, as well.

The more the gold gilt rubs off some players and I see what lies beneath, the unhappier I get.  I’ve gone from having a 25 man guild making some solid headway, to a 10 man guild who can’t get their second, supposedly primary, ICC10 together.  Because people would rather play their alts, no matter how badly we need their mains.   Becuase well if we’re not doing 25s they don’t care (nevermind that canceling the 10 makes it almost impossible to retain the recruits needed for 25s).  Because they don’t want join a partially ocmpleted run and miss out on frost badges on an alt.  Becuase they’re not all exactly like me in thier motivations and I apparently can’t wrap my head around that thought right now.

I think I need to step back, go hug a pony, and try to find my sanity again.  I’d take a break from raiding as well, but then what if raids get canceled becuase I’m not there and then I’m as bad as they are and OMG!!!!1!!eleventy!!!1

…excuse me I’ll be over here trying to stuff chocolate into my mouth so that I at least can’t say anything else overly stupid.

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Legacy Runs: Oh, Memor…wait, what happened to that boss?

Today several guildies will begin a Very Long Drive up to BoO Bash, our “guild meeting IRL” as it were.  Since this interferes with our normal raid days, I turned yesterday into a BWL run for shits and giggles.

It was an…odd…night for me.  I remember when BWL was progression.  I remember the first kills of Firemaw onward.  I remember being proud when my guild could clear BWL in under the 3 hours required for the Septer quest line.

So when we accidentally pulled Firemaw with a bunch of trash mobs and took him down casually (I tanked him in my Judgement), I was a little…sad.  Nevermind killing Vael in seconds,

While I think it’s need to to back into BC era dungeons that I missed, going back to anything from Vanilla is very bitter-sweet to me.

“Why, I remember how difficult this fight used to be.  Oh Vael, the guild brea…he’s dead already?”

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Sometimes GMing Is Like…

Sometimes I’m reminded of my high school creative writing class.  I tend to write in a fairly straight forward fashion, even when it comes to poetry.  I had come to disdain the over-use of metaphors back when we’d read been tortured by A Farewell to Arms.  As far as I’m concerned, Hemmingway can go die.  In the rain.

She’d read the peice and then hand it back to me, full of excited commentary about my use of metaphor and symbolism.  I’d tilt my head and wonder what on earth she was smoking while she graded papers, becuase fuck if I’d intended any of the stuff she read into my work.

Sometimes, GMing gives me the same feeling.

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RAWR.

I wanted to be working on my story today, or on an April Fool’s post, but you know what?  I spent the entire morning fixing FUCKING DKP!  And making official posts so people will stop asking me about OMG THE SARONITE IN THE BANK CAN I HAS?!?!

YES YOU CAN HAS.

YOU CAN HAS THE GUILD, IN FACT.

I have a standing offer in another guild where I am BM hunter my heart out!

To hell with you and your Twitters and IMs and emails and OMG AMBER FIX NAO stuff.  >:|

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The Art of Compromise

To compromise is to make a deal where someone gives up part of, or all of its demand.

In human relationships “compromise” is frequently said to be an agreement that no party is happy with, this is because the parties involved often feel that they either gave away too much or that they received too little.
-Ye Olde Wikipedia

Since this is really not a secret anymore and rumors suck, I’m going to go ahead and talk about it.  Perhaps having it out in the open will help-perhaps not.  If nothing else perhaps someone else can learn from the situation.  I’ll try to portray it in as neutral as a tone as I can.  In no way shape or form do I intend to villainize anyone involved.

GMing is hard work.  Many people eventually give up and move on-either disbanding the guild or handing it to a successor.  If I recall our history correctly, Steve isn’t even the Brotherhood of Oblivion’s first GM.

Anyway, sometime back in…November, I believe, Steve gave in to the stress of GMing and handed the guild to me.  I am not the best GM.  I try, but I have my weaknesses just like anyone else.  I hold things together through as much charm as skill.   But only a few months later Steve started to…regret his decision.  He’d had time to relax, let go, and step back and see things.  The guild meant a lot to him, and being a mere officer wasn’t satisfying the itch.

Enter Instant Sucky Situation.

You’ve handed someone-a RL friend, even-your guild.  They seem to somewhat relish leading it and aren’t doing a bad job but you want it back.  You know it.  They know it.   You know you should probably let it go but damn it, the guild means a lot to you.

What would you do?  As either party?

If it was anyone else asking for the guild back, I’d tell them to go to hell.  But it’s Steve.  Even though we sometimes don’t see eye to eye, he’s our friend and lives across the damn street.   The guild does mean a lot to him.

If he wants it back and I don’t want to step down, the “obvious” solution is co-GMing.  I’ve co-GMed before, and gotten backstabbed.  I’ve watched previous guilds be co-GM’d by two and even three people and those were…not rousing successes.  I’ll openly admit that I’m dubious about doing any such thing even with Steve.

But in the end…I care about people.  Often I care far more about other people than myself, to my own detriment.  I don’t want Steve unhappy.  Even though this compromise, this feeling out leadership together and figuring out if we can do it without wanting to shank each other, is not my favored solution…oh, well.

Compromise: where you get some of what you want, but not all of it.

Will it work in guild leadership?  Er…we’ll see.

ETA: For now, I retain the sole GM title.  This is more of a…behind the scenes co-GMship at the moment.  If I think it is in the best interests of the guild to not go through with this, then we won’t.  It’s just an…interesting situation all around.

Now I am going to use…a few more ellipses…just to annoy…Pixelated Executioner.

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Bury the Corpse

This post brought to you by idle musings and background crap you’re not aware of.  And muffin tabards.

My first raiding guild was on Earthen Ring, and was called Unified.  I loved Unified.

They took me in shortly after I dinged 60, mostly because my fiance was already in the guild.  I’d like to think that they took me on because I was an amazing holy pally but, quite frankly, at that point in time I was not.

Anyway.

Unified was, in its heyday, a top 10 guild…I think.  I never honestly paid any attention.  I know that several of us had full t2, that we had BWL down to 2 hour clears, AQ 40 was clear to C’thun, and we were played around in Naxx.  Good? Yes.  Top guild on the server?  Hardly.

What was interesting, though, was to watch people leave…come back…leave…come BACK…always stating some version of “I missed you guys” upon their return.

The community that formed was strong, lasting-in many cases-years after the guild’s death.  I can still log onto Earthen Ring, poke my head in the /unitram channel, and say hello to any number of folks.

Unified broke up in BC as many former 40 man guilds did, torn apart by different sized raids, the sudden discovery that so and so sucked when not backed up by 5 others of their class, and the fact that our GM was-quite frankly-losing it.

Nostalgia was strong enough that after we wandered to our seperate guilds and found them lacking, some of us started raiding together again.  I ran Kara once a week with my hunter in my raiding guild, and then again on my paladin with this…former-guildie not-a-pug.

Eventually someone contacted our former GM, who actually handed over the old guild to us, and Unified was reborn.

It was not the same.  It never could be the same.  We had some of the same people, yes, but…there was no reviving Unified as it had once been.  Eventually one of the GMs-Josh-and one of the officers-myself-transferred off server to play with friends.  These friends-Brotherhood of Oblivion.

Corpses are corpses.  They need to be buried, not restlessly prodded with sticks.  They make good fertilizer, though-good things can come from what’s left, if you let them.

But you cannot ever expect them to be the same.

The Brotherhood is not what it once was.  I joined at the end of BC…and yes, it is different now.   Wrath changed it.  People leaving changed it.  The mere passage of time changed it.  My method of recruiting?  Changed it.  My blogging?  Changed it.   Now that I’m GM it certainly is-and shall become-something different yet again.

The Brotherhood of Oblivion is dead.
The Brotherhood of Oblivion lives.

This upsets some people, of course.  They look back at what once was and pine.

Cut it the fuck out.  It gets you nowhere.

Why don’t you come check out the flowers I’m growing here, instead?  The ride to wherever we’re going should be fun-especially as I have no idea how the fuck to navigate.   Quick, give Ky the map!

Oh, and eat a fucking muffin.

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