Posts Tagged Brought to you by sarcasm!

How2Ony

  • Stay away from the whelp caves!
  • NO REALLY, STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM THE WHELP CAVES
  • and the bosses tail…
  • …and her head…
  • …and deep breaths…
  • …and the big adds when they make the burny circles…
  • …and where the big adds SPAWN lest they come nom you when you are not a tank…
  • …and the lava spouting cracks during phase three…
  • Did I mention stay the fuck away from the whelp caves?!
  • GET OUT OF THE LAVA POOL BY THE ENTRACE ZEREN!  FFS!

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19 Comments

Search Term Game Time!

“lvling a paladin in caster gear”

If it’s cloth/leather caster gear, you sadden me.  GTFO.  Mail is…okay.  Ish.  But we’re a plate class, damn it.

“gridstatusignored”

Is great.

“wow does unrepaired effect hunter ranged”

Your bow DOES have durability, you know.

“squish hunter”

If they’re dumb or unlucky, they’re very squishy.  Mail just doesn’t seem very sturdy.

“paladin buffing annoying”

Yes, yes it is.  If you let a buff drop or they die ITS THE END OF THE WORLD IF IT’S NOT REAPPLIED INSTANTLY.

“how to heal voa as discpriest”

Pick a tank.

“tanks in vanilla wow”

Were all prot warriors!

“disc priest dont top meters”

When they do something is very, very wrong.  Trust me I’ve done it, and it was very very wrong.

“how to be a fucking amazing disc healer”

Strats varies, but I approve of this search.

“crayon nub”

…what?

“c’thun fuck”

Walk into C’thun’s room…spread out…NO NO SPRE-AAAH FUCK.

“i’m motherfucking retri paladin”

….   /edges away

“was it hard to tank vanilla wow”

We had to walk uphill in the snow both ways barefoot! 

(I don’t know, I healed)

“discipline priest healing totation macro”

I’ll assume to meant rotation.  You can’t MACRO healing like that, honey…and there is no healing rotation. 

“what is the hit cap for disc/holy dps pr”

…REALLY HIGH.

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13 Comments

Healers Keep a Naughty List

Most healers have a “list”.  Actually, most healers have two lists.  One list consists of people we really like-the tank that is always watching our backs, the warlock who uses his demon as a Healer Guard, the hunter dropping ice traps at our feet, or even just the DPS who don’t stand in fires.  We like these people.  If they do something silly, they have an automatic Healer Aggro Dump.  Think of it as healer rep, if you will.  When you’re honored with a faction and accidentally take out a guard or two, it doesn’t ding you too badly.

The other list?  Well, that consists of the people we don’t like.  They’re the people who never run back after a wipe, the people who never sit down and eat as if your mana bar is their damn mage food, and the rogues who bitch every time they die in a whirlwind.  You merely walk into town and next thing you know, it’s like all the Light’s Hope Chapel guards have descended on your ass. 

In our guild, the worst ones are the people that end up with their names in “Healer Channels”.

LetHuntDie has been the official healing channel of BoO since someone had the mistake of letting me pick the name.  Hunt isn’t a bad kid-he’s a kick ass hunter and isn’t not that obnoxious towards the healers most of the time, but giving him hell as been a guild tradition since before I joined.  He canget really fucking annoying but I think that’s just a part of being 16.  Aspect of the Emo Kid QQ. 

NoHealsForNightghost started off as a joke-I’ll often declare a “new healing channel” when someone is especially annoying, unless of course it’s Hunt.  Then it’s just “CHANNEL NAME IS GO.”  But last night our guildie hit a new point of annoyance.

Hodir was a rough fight for us.  It was a scraping the bottom of the mana barrel fight, pots used, Hymns blown, fiend on cooldown, oh fuck oh fuck OH THANK GOD HE DIED fight.  The days of me being able to tie our resto shaman on meters as disc are gone-thank you, PoH and Penance nerfs.  The boss submitted and everyone stopped where they were-except me, because I perpetually strafe and jump like a space goat on crack.  Stopped, and…the debuff kept ticking.

Ticking.

Ticking and stacking on people whose health was already low.  Mikata said something on Vent about moving if you still had the debuff but it was a wee bit late.

Nightghost died.  Died, and then proceeded to make some angry remark on vent about how the healers couldn’t fucking heal him.  Consider it the equivalent of clicking “At War”. 

Cue the healers smacking their PTT keys, only stopped by the raid leader-Mr. Cranky Tank Josh-telling us to chill.  If by “chill” I mean “STFU OR I’LL REPLACE YOU WTF GUYS.”

This did not, of course, stop me  entirely…

CAN’T HEAL WHEN OOM

…nothing can stop my /rw abuse!  NOTHING!

Ahem.  But seriously-it’s a stacking debuff that you’re in complete control of, and healers can’t magically pull mana out of their asses at the end of a boss fight.  Fail on…whatever was to blame for it continuing to tick despite our victory, but whatever.  Even if it had been some other uncontrollable factor, if your healer is OOM and hasn’t been spamming GHeal on themselves all fight or something else stupid, what the fuck do you want them to do when they have no god damned mana?

Angrily blaming other people in a raid for shit that’s not their fault is bad, mmkay?

Angry outbursts on vent in generally aren’t all that great, actually.

Go figure.

This Lesson in Raiding brought to you by People Who Should Know Better.

Bill is so getting the shit beat out of him next time I see him.  By which I mean I’ll angrily hit him in the shoulder a few times and he’ll laugh at me, but it makes me feel better.

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27 Comments

Hold on, the llama got out.

The Amber is displeased.  Why is the Amber displeased?  Because I hate people getting their panties in a twist and ragequitting without, you know, discussing shit.  When we post proposed changes on the officer forum and ask for your input, then we want your input.  We do NOT want you to hike up your skirts, scream that you don’t like us anymore, and leave. 

You want to do that, then fine, get your childish ass out of my mother fucking guild and good riddance.  If you truly don’t like the way things are going, why don’t you sit down and discuss it?  Concerned about new guild ranks diminishing the importance of people who don’t raid?  Well, how about some alternatives?  Where’s your ideas?  I want your ideas.  I don’t want your poorly typed out LJ-style flounce post.

We are not “ruining a social guild”.  We are trying to shape up a raiding guild.  Raiding, see that?  Raaaaiiiiidiiiiiing.  Raiding requires a certain amount of skill and discipline. Oh, and time investment.  Do we have people in the guild who can’t play worth a shit?  Well, yeah.  But they’re friends and we love them and they hang out and occasionally we shove purples at them from a farming run.  Do we have people in the guild who are skilled but can hardly run with us?  Yes, and we miss them terribly, and squee with joy every time they DO get the chance to join us.  Do we have good people who ARE here all the time, and are thus the raiding core?  ….why yes, yes we do.  We have and love all those kinds of people and we always have and we always will.  Do the casuals really need full bank access to our raiding flasks and a Core Raider title?  …no.

One of the most sissy of the flouncers actually told us that we didn’t have a good raiding core to build from.  Wait, what?  What the hell am I, chopped liver?  Kyr?  Zoja?  Mach?  Harryotter?  Huntres?  All those other people who do their job and do it well?  And since when were we a social guild?  What the fuck were we doing in Burning Crusade, having tea parties in SSC?  I don’t remember tea parties, I remember tanking some mother fucking bosses and winning some mother fucking loot in a MOTHER FUCKING RAIDING GUILD.

So excuse me, I’m going to go recruit some more RAIDERS for our RAIDING GUILD.  Then we are going to run some RAIDS.  During said RAIDS, we are going to be SOCIAL and make fun of Mikata because it’s easy, and Harryotter is going to die and we’ll lol at him, and Zoja is going to pick on Huntres, and it’ll be fun.  WHILE RAIDING. 

So congrats, two officers who seldom participated anyway.  Your previous contributions to the guild that once earned you your titles are missed, but shall no longer carry you through this expansion.  You flounced.  Now those of us who actually do the work these days will…uh…continue doing the work.  So uh…nothing has changed, really, except that we’ll proceed with shifting the guild ranks and bank permissions with fewer badly typed rage posts on the forums*.

 

*My rage posts involve capital letters and spell check.

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17 Comments

No really? Amber gets sarcastic.

WTB Spellcheck

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Imagine all this taking place between a guy who sounds rather stoned, and officers who sound slightly sarcastic.

“I thought we were doing 25s…why aren’t we doing 25s?”

“‘Cause…we only had 16 sign ups?”

“Oh…why don’t people sign up?”

“…I don’t fucking know.”

“They should sign up!  Not signing up is…bad!”

“…”

We really have these conversations with guildies, people.  We really do. 

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lrn2soulshatter

lrn2soulshatter

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Also, it is really hard to heal when my cat is not only in my lap, but resting her paws on my boobs, kneading them, and trying to rub her cheek against my nose.  Yes HELLO Vesta.  I SEE you.  I kind of can’t MISS you. 

Sometimes, you die because I let you.  And sometimes, you die because my cat is letting me know my priorities in life are clearly fucked up…

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lol bye

We had a bunch of new recruits that joined en masse quit lately, because they “didn’t feel included.”  Well now!

I thought it would be beneficial to go over a few helpful ideas to help one and ones friends mesh when joining a larger guild as a group.

1) Don’t all sit in your own vent channel.  Mingle.
2) If you join a raiding guild to raid, you might want to try to sign up for raids. 
3) The message board is not there to look pretty. Use it.

If you proceed to isolate yourselves in your little clique, then you might not feel included. Just sayin’.  Also, when I say sign up for raids, I mean sign up for raids outside of out Naxx25 farm runs.  There’s this stuff called progression content?  That we mostly focus on?  Yeah…sign up for those.  Only two of those people up there ever signed up for Ulduar.  Two!  So all in all, we lost…very little…when they gquit.

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He will...bite...your shin?

They turned…my pet…into…a leper gnome…

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Dear Blizzard Gear Designers,

Did you know that male draenei are barrel chested?  And that female draenei like to stick out their boobs?   …you did?  I see.  Then uh…why didn’t you take this into account for the priest gear?

WTF

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@Arrens and cohorts:

Distinct Lack of Fail Angel

Distinct Lack of Fail Angel on My Part

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in ur past messin with ur mind

in ur past messin' with ur mind

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17 Comments

Bloggers are insane.

I could be sitting here researching my next strat post (coming soon!) but I’m not.  Instead, I’m abusing Google.  Why?  Well…the blogging community, specifically the World of Warcraft one, is full of crazy people.   Crazy, silly people.  This is well played out on Twitter, where several of us treat it like AIM and banter back and forth instead of doing work.

This blog, for example, is currently engaged in what is becoming a full out war.  My enemy?  Arrens.  For one thing, he likes shitty beer, and bad authors (Hemingway?  Go die in the rain).   More than that, though, he plays an UNDEAD ROGUE.

Any Alliance healer knows that undead rogues are the bane of their existence.  Filthy, filthy stunlocking zombies. 

So how, exactly, are we engaging in a war?

Search terms.

Today I have:
fail angel ambrosine
ambrosine is a fail angel
ambrosine won’t heal the goddamn rogue

And I’ve pinged his blog with such witty commentary as:
arrens caltrains is mean
arrens caltrains fail zombie
arrens caltrains is a noob

And you’re damned right I won’t heal the god damned rogue.  GET OUT OF THE FUCKING OUCHY SHIT AND YOU WON’T DIE.  See?  Easy!

Anyway.  What does one do during a war?  Why….call in reinforcements, of course!

GO FORTH AND SKEW HIS SEARCH RESULTS, MY MINIONS!

…okay, I’ll go back to writing “real” stuff now.

 

ETA:
“ambrosine should be an undead fail angel” – Horde AND holy?  HAHAHAHAHAHA fuck no.  Moocow, now, yes.  But not undead.  Or holy.   *shudders*
“arrens and ambrosyne sitting in a tree” – What the hell is wrong with you?
“ambrosine loves undead” – iiiiiiiiick.
“amber really is a dork” – Oh absolutely.  I don’t deny it.  I date an even bigger dork though, isn’t that scary?

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22 Comments

An Apparently Necessary Review of the Basics

Naxx25 last night made it apparent to me that a few still don’t know some of the Instancing Basics.  You should have learned some of these in 5 mans, but apparently some people were too busy face rolling.  So let’s review, shall we?

When you have aggro, run towards the tank, not away.
We can’t save you in time when you’re halfway across the room, okay? 
Never has this failure been more apparent than on Instructor.  For one thing, Mind Control breaks when the mob gets too far away from the priest, so running around screaming in the back of the room with the boss on you is fucking moronic.  I’m going to wait until you die and he chooses someone closer and less stupid before I pick him back up.

If you’re new to a raid, you might want to get on vent.
No really, it’s a good idea.  Few people enjoy typing out lengthy boss instructions.  We had someone who had never been to Naxx with us before, and we kept forgetting about him…and he wasn’t on vent to hear us asking why he was killing the instructor adds. 

If you see adds running towards the tanks, stop attacking until they have aggro.
Whether the tank LoS/range pulled in a 5 man or a pat just wandered too close in a raid, if you see new friends coming to play, cool it on the AoE.  There’s a reason why my mind-sear happy ass didn’t die as much as our mages and warlocks did on trash.  I was keeping an eye on the mobs so that I knew when Mind Sear reached uselessness (ie, one mob left), and quit casting when I saw more death knights charging us en masse. 

And these are thanks to a HoS run on my warrior:

Hunters: Don’t bring a pet more than one or two levels lower than you to an instance. 
Because a level 73 turtle in a 77 instance will cause your warrior tank to have heart attacks every time he pulls adds.  And he will.  Oh yes, he will.

If your tank is bypassing adds, you might want to leave them alone, rather than…MDing them to the warrior whilst in the middle of another pull.
8 mobs are not better than 4.  No, really, they’re not.

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12 Comments

So I was gonna do a real post

…and like, either talk about how we ran Ulduar 25 last night and made some progress and how I tanked healed and didn’t really have many mana issues…

…or I was going to QQ about how Ron left the guild (again, for good this time) and how Yarp left the same night, leaving my healing core decidedly light…

…and I actually had started a post on Razorscale strats, but when 3 hours passed and I’d written two paragraphs because of a “project” at work, I decide to give up.

Content tomorrow.  For now: pictures!

In case you had any doubt that I was a dork…let me just remove that for you.

And I really do love, love, love having flying on my 73 hunter:

You haven’t had a levitate SS in entirely too long.  Also, note Lyr’s new robe, which looks exactly like her old one but in different colors!

This mount is totally fucking awesome looking and I love it to death, even if…er…it doesn’t know how to walk.

Here at BoO, we QQ with sarcasm:

And I did say we made progress, right?  Hells yeah, killshot!

Also, guild first kill of Iron Council 25, though no one cared to pose for this picture…so we’ll pretend I solo’d it.

la la la…wait, what?

That’s it, it can be t10 and we’re running Uldaur until this mother fucker is finished, y’hear me?

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11 Comments

Dear Pugs

Dear Death Knight Pug,

You were the epitiome of tanking gear =/= tank.  If you’re going to death grip pull, at least death grip the caster.  You had my hunter trapping in Nexus.  Trapping.  In Nexus.  We begged you to pull with DnD but no, the fun of making someone sail through the air was too much for you.  I had to find my mis-direct button for trash pulls.  

You are so lucky that I am a fucking fantastic hunter, buddy!  I have no regrets about annoying you iwth Devilsaur stomp stomp stomp. 

>:|

-No love,
Jamethera the Uber Hunter Who Remembers When CC Mattered

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10 Comments

Enrage in 3…2…1

I hold myself to high standards.  These standards bleed over onto the people around me, especially if they are fellow officers in my guild.  Remember-I am the recruitment officer.  I want to polish up the turd delightfully quirky mix of people that is my guild so that I can “sell” it to other people. 

Don’t say the words “it’s just Naxx”.  Just don’t.  It’s not “just Naxx”, it’s several hours of my time.  It’s several hours of 24 other people’s time, and this isn’t a pug-this is a guild run.  With several new guildies we would like to retain, which means, don’t be fucking lazy.  You weren’t listening to vent and had music turned up?  The requests for buffs were put in raid chat, several times.  You were sitting there playing with your dick and hitting the Holy Light button and not reading raid?  You have Pally Power-use it.  Is that box not the right color?  Click on it, and it’ll do the buffs for you!  Don’t laze your way through a class and spec I know and then act surprised when I call you on it.   People are rabid about their paladin buffs.  Rabid.  Don’t want to waste reagents when all of the melee dies on every trash pull in the Military Quarter?  Right click does baby buffs!  Holy shit!

You do realize that they are yelling at me for buffs because I am also a paladin, right?  And that when I have my buffs properly given out I don’t want to be nagged constantly because someone think I’m your fucking mother?

My position in this guild is not “Chief Nag”, here to make the rest of you do your jobs, even when your job is just not being a lazy ass paladin.  And don’t pull the “Well FINE just replace me and I’ll go PvP” bullshit ’cause that’s real fucking mature.

Speaking of maturity: I will not copy and paste this into the officer forums…I will not copy and paste this into the officer forums…I will not copy and paste this into the officer forums…

I will just post calling Randy a douche

Now I must go post a short, polite, reasoned explantion why I was so irritated last night…

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17 Comments