Posts Tagged Macharious is a nub

Letters from Ulduar

Dear ___: Open Letters To My Guild Mates, or Why Amber Goes Insane

Dear DPS on Iron Council,

Don’t stand over there.  I can’t heal you.  I kind of need to stand near my tank, and my tank kind of needs to stand over here.

Okay, so you’re now standing in such a way that my green box is lit up.  I can heal you and you can stop bitching about not getting heals.  Cool!  …do you wanna come closer for Power Infusion? 

Sometimes we’re kinda busy, and when dickhead over there refuses to move out of the blue circle and starts shitting lightning everywhere, it’s…well…ouchy.  But our holy priest has this nifty thing called a lightwell!  It’s sitting right there!  …why is the holy pally the only one near it?

…I still can’t reach you with PI, you know.  Oh well, your DPS loss.  I’ll keep it for myself.

…why the fuck are you all the way on the opposite side of the room again?

Weeping silently, on the inside,
-your healer


Dear DK Tank,

I’m standing on the left.  You keep running away from Overload (or whatever)…to the right.  WHY?
I have a heart attack every time your box goes gray.

Weeping less silently on the inside now,
-your healer


Dear Josh,

My beloved.  You have tanked for me for years.  I am comfortable with your ways.  I know you are a clever, clever tank-one who will use his cooldowns, not run out of range, wait for my mana, and gather up all the adds that love to come give me hugs.


Is well past weeping and now sobbing,
-your healer*
*this is a post in and of itself


Dear GM,

No, I don’t want to heal without replen on Iron Council.
No, I really don’t.
Yes, my mana bar does get kicked in the nuts.
Yes, it is kind of important. 
No, I don’t think that having the Surv hunter go MM to help the DK tank kick that damn boss out of the blue runes will make up for the lack of replen. 
The whole instance is designed ar-

-your healer


Dear fellow priest,

Thank you, Ron, for displaying mana regen meters and explaining to Mach why no replen is Bad.  I will refrain from killing people for yet another day.

Love and butterflies,
-the bubble dispenser


And last but not least, a tidbit from the Hodir attempts:
“Why the hell did you die like that, Atropus?”
“…oh!  I wasn’t jumping!”

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Tank In A Dress

WP is a cuntwaffle and keeps mucking up my spacing! jhahdkjahskdas!  >:|  So my apologies for the way this looks, but I am at a loss.
I was poking through WoW videos when I re-discovered Big Blue Dress…which reminded me of Steve bitching about tanking in a dress.  Naturally, this meant that I had to re-write Big Blue Dress for Steve’s QQing needs.  The problem, of course, is that “Shield of Righteousness” and the like don’t fit well into song lyrics, so you’ll have to forgive me some clumsy lyrics.  Just thank the gods I didn’t decide to record myself singing it. 
Also, if you don’t know of “Big Blue Dress” something is seriously wrong with you.  Get thee to YouTube.
Tank in a Dress
An Ode to Paladin T8
I’ve been kicking ass since the dawn of time
I’m just a tanking man that’s reached my tanking prime
All of my enemies face certain condemnation
The weapon of my choice is consecration!
So why, I ask, it just doesn’t make much sense
That a man of my stature should have to wear a dress
I mean what, may I inquire, were you thinking on that day
When you conjured up for a man like me plate legs that looks so gay
Ahhhh sit right back and your troubles melt away
Ahhhh he ‘s a tank but his gear looks so gay
I was taught my craft at the dawn of pain
You may not like my methods but you’ll surely know my name
I just think  thoughts of righteousness and my hands will start to glow 
A few moments later and you DPS can go
So if you’re embarrassed and you hang your head in shame
You’d like an opportunity to redeem your worthy name
Well just remember this: when next you look to kill
That a man who’s truly skilled can look quite good in twill
My apologies to Cranius.
Also, did anyone else think that the Horde flavor of Gamer Fuel tasted like Flintstone’s Vitamins, with a dash of Sweet Tart? 

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Thoughts on Iron Council and Freya

Begin Rambling Here

First off, I have to call out for Steve being a scrub here-he didn’t research the Freya fight because he didn’t think we’d get past the Iron Council.  We downed the Iron Council in only 3-4 attempts, one of which didn’t count because Josh and I DC’d moments after the pull.   Granted, they apparently gave group 1 a bit of trouble before, but I still mock his lack of confidence.

Naturally this meant that we got to Freya’s room, started cluelessly pulling trash and…OW.  Cue me putting in /rw, “Trash is srs bzns!”  Yeah, no more blindly wandering into even trash…though nothing shall compare to C’thun trash.  Ever.  …I hope.

After we recovered from unsolicited attentions from over-sized flowers, we stared at the boss and went “Hmmm.”   Then we went and looked for videos (my google-fu is better than Steve’s-I found the 10 man video!), and had three people describe the fight while showing obvious signs of having tuned out half of the previous commentary (“Did you talk about the Touch of Eonar?”  “Yes, Josh.  I said to kill the trees.”)

One day I should record me explaining a boss fight.  “At that point, you’ll see these green trees spawn.  You need to kill them OH MY GOD QUICKLY, because otherwise they’ll heal the boss and we’ll want to hunt you down and stab you in the face.  So kill the trees, mmkay?”  I don’t bother to get into technical terms like Touch of Eonar.  Who the hell is going to know what that is?!  I like to translate things into “raider speak”.   Also, it amuses me. 

Anyway.  At some point, after wave after wave of flowery chaos, I lost it and just started going “badger badger badger badger MUSHROOM, MUSHROOM” to the complete bafflement of everyone in the raid.  I can’t say how much progress we made-we only got a couple of attempts in, and it was rather chaotic.  It can be summed up with “adds did not die like they were supposed to.”  Hopefully a week to mull over things and do further research will be the magic trick, as it was with Iron Council.  I really…don’t quite GET the Freya fight, perhaps because as a healer all I’m worried about is my little green bars and the location of the nearest mushroom.

If nothing else, I was there for one progression boss kill AND got a dagger out of it-woo!  No more H Nexus mace! 

Begin Somewhat Useful Observation Here

Freya aside, I enjoyedIron Council for reasons not related to shiny loot they handed over.  For one thing, I had to dig out skills I remember perfecting back in the days of AQ40-mana management.  Only back then I was chain drinking pots, and now I’m jugging ability cooldowns.

At 75%, use shadow fiend.  When I dip back down again (“down” meaning sub-75%, not almost OOM…the intent is to prevent being OOM, after all) I scoot over to my other healers (assuming I’m not already near them) and use Hymn of Hope.   If you have multiple priests, sharing your Hymn of Hope really helps. 

And then…I wait.  If I hit the 50% mark and my cooldowns aren’t up soon, I go for a mana pot.  By the time my mana bar is dwindling into the “uh-oh!” stages, my shadow fiend should be back up.  In the final “oh god oh god the boss is almost dead but my mana is almost gone!” part I usually have my Hymn back up. 

 I toss Pain Supression on the tank while channeling Hymn to try to prevent any unhappy “oh SHIT!” moments.

It’s really “fun” to be on a tank “and raid.”  Mmhmm.

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Where I Miss the Tang of Tempered Steel

I miss The Old Days.  I miss being in my first raiding guild, Unified, and being there for all the glass chewing.  I joined when they were partway through Blackwing Lair, and had managed to down the third boss, the Broodlord. 

I was there for the first kill of Firemaw.  I was there for the first kill of Ebonroc, and Flamegore, and Chromaggus, and Nefarian.  I was also present for the first deaths of Skeram, the bug trio, Sartura, and Fankriss.  We raided four nights a week and still didn’t mow through things quickly, or easily.  It required effort and teamwork, and we bonded over it.  The only reason I missed Huhu and the Twin Emps is because I was forcibly dragged out of the country and stuck at my parents house for a month.  And you know what? 

I didn’t like that.  I felt like I was missing out on the experience of figuring things out with my guildmates, like I was being cheated of the ah-ha! moment and the rush of excitement that comes when you figure it out for the first time.   When I then missed out on every…single…first downing of a boss in Kara, I felt…disenchanted.  Disillusioned.  Cut off from a bonding process with my guild mates. 

So how do I feel in BoO Ulduar Group 2, the group that only downed the Loot Mobile?  Was I happy that Group 1 downed Razorscale in one shot, XT in 2, and also got Ignis down?  Did I rejoice at seeing Hot Pocket achievements pop on my screen as I sat in a Naxx25 pug after G2’s raid last night failed to happen? 

Honestly?  No.  I felt hurt, and jealous.  I don’t give a shit about loot.  I want purples only because they help me help the group.  I raid to raid with friends, to joke around, to work on things with them.  So when my raid crumbles and I’m bored and I can’t go console myself with cuddles because my boyfriend is in Ulduar I sit there and stew a little.   I’m upset because a few errors in judgement on other officer’s parts ended up with group 2 having a less than optimal set up, errors I could not compensate for.  I can’t force myself to suddenly know how to tweak strats just so for our raids.  I can’t suddenly make everyone pay attention to Warla and myself.  I’ve never had the backbone to be a truly effective raid leader, which is why I always kept around someone to be my enforcer for a reason.   So not only am I saddled with disappointment,  but I’m weighed down with a sense of personal failure as well.  Steve tried to balance it, but he unwittingly robbed me of the support structure I need to be truly effective by separating me from both Josh and Ron. 

“Don’t worry, I’ll be there next week and since I’ve seen the stuff already I’ll walk you all through it!” says my marvelous and wondrous Josh.

But…that’s…not what I want.

I don’t want to be walked through it.   I wanted to be there the first time.  There’s a distinct lack of glass in my diet, and I miss it.   Naxx was…fun, in its own right, but that was more like gnawing on Styrofoam.

Am I destined to be in the trailing group now?  Will Ulduar Group 2 be the same as Naxx Group 2, which always limped along in the shadow of the first, never even clearing the instance before we tackled 25s?

If so, why the hell am I here?

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Leadership = Logic Puzzle?

A man has to get a fox, a chicken, and a sack of corn across a river.
He has a rowboat, and it can only carry him and one other thing.
If the fox and the chicken are left together, the fox will eat the chicken.
If the chicken and the corn is left together, the chicken will eat the corn.
How does the man do it?

You need two Ulduar groups.  The following conditions apply:

Warrior Tank 1 (WT1) doesnt’ want to raid without Disc Priest (DP). 
Paladin Tank (PT) wants to tank with WT1.
Death Knight Tank (DT) wants to be in a group with either WT1, DP, or PT.
Warrior Tank 2 (WT2) doesn’t give a shit and has no idea this clusterfuck even exists.
PT will tank with DT if he has to, but does not want to tank with WT2.

Following me so far?  If not, don’t worry.  That list above makes my fucking head hurt, because it’s essentially an unsolvable puzzle.

The current groups are:
PT + WT1
DK + WT2 + DP

This violates Condition #1, however, and neither Zoja nor myself are very happy.  While Atropus and I work great together, I have to live with Zoja and listen to him bitch about being in a different group. 

My Proposed Solution:
PT + WT2 + one of the twins that also serve as officers so that he is not the “only” officer in the raid. 
WT1 + DT + DP so that Atropus is raiding with his friends and the couple can continue to function as the pair that they are (did Zoja go AFK without warning?  I’ll will let you know!  Is Zoja alt tabbed looking at 4chan?  I will turn around let him know you’re pulling!  Do we for some reason want to talk to each other?  We can do so without the constant interruption of both vent channels!)  Yes, Zoja and Steve tank GREAT together.  But Zoja and I heal/tank GREAT together.  I’ve been healing him since Molten fucking Core-with NO other tank do I have that instinctive understanding.  Which synergy is more important?

But this violates Condition #5, which exists because…I don’t know, Steve is a dick or something.

Other possibilities:

WT1 + WT2 + DP = why the fuck do we have two warriors in the same group, reducing diversity and also increasing gear competition?

DT + WT2 = why the fuck do we have the two least experienced tanks together?!?!?!  I love them both, don’t get me wrong, but Atropus  is a “new main” and he didn’t tank with his old one.  Wreckz is also a “new main” and while he DID tank on his old toon, pally tanking =/= warrior tanking.  Not a good pairing for progression content.

Also, the Zoja/Josh + Steve pairing seems to conjure in everyone’s minds the idea that their group is the “good” group.   It doesn’t seem to matter that just as many officers are in each group, “clearly” the GM will be in the “best” group, along with his best friend.  Never mind that we have some of the best DPS and some of the best healers, we “must” be the “leftovers” group because “they” aren’t in it.


This attitude was emphasized by the fact that group 1 downed the Lootmoble, one shotted Razorscale, and then two shotted XT.  Group 2 downed Lootmobile and proceeded to wipe 6 times on Razorscale until the holy priest DC’d, couldn’t get back in, and we had to call it a night half an hour early.  While I put on my Sunshine Hat and praised everyone for visible improvement on every attempt (true!  We might well have had her if not for the fateful DC), inside I couldn’t help but me a smidge bitter.

Steve seems to think we can compromise by rotating, but rotating is hell on progression.

I…don’t know what to do, to be honest.  My proposed solution is neatly cockblocked by Steve going “But I don’t WANT to tank with Wreckz!”



Off to take a more logical version of this to the officer forums!  I just felt like sharing my pain, apparently…

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So I…have to go home and respec my toons again?

…reeeeaaally, Blizzard?

Disc and shadow specs for the priest
Holy spec for the pally
Prot spec for the warrior
Unholy spec for the DK
Unholy spec for the OTHER DK
BM spec for the hunter

…and those are just the ones I play right now.  Sooner or later I’ll go back to my mage and my druid and go, bwuh? Oh, and the other priest.


And maybe it’s Ulduar looming on our schedule next week, but I’m tired of stupid shit from our raiders.  If we say you have a 5 minute break, you have a five fucking minute break.  Not ten.  If, just after said break is up, you tell us you need to hearth to get more ammo, I’m going to give you shit.  If you, as the guild leader, tell me to not give the idiot so much shit, I will remind you that Ulduar is SRS BZNZ.  If you, the guild leader, point out that this is not Ulduar, I’ll wonder how to expect this repeat offender, who pulled this shit when Naxx was progression, will magically transform when we get to Ulduar by our going lightly on him now.

But dissenting opinions and different point of views is why you have officers, right?



I go to Ulduar armed with my scathing wit and the Purple Diamond of Fail!

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Monday Reflections

The Brotherhood of Oblivion made it’s first, tenative foray into Ulduar on Sunday.  We weren’t in there as long as I’d like because our warrior MT is back into his WoW-hating phase (and I will hate Steve for eternity for getting him into Eve) and we lost a healer after only one  miserable Razorscale attempt due to IRL.   It was just an unscheduled “exploratory” run, though.

The first person to die in a fire?  Oh yeah.  That was me.  But the second person was Ron, so I felt instantly better!

Speaking of The Amazing Ron, I owe him 400g for scooping a Penance glyph off the AH for me.  Some Inscriptionist is now very happy.  >:|  Nothing like being the only person on the server with that glyph…

I’ve yet to truly test it, however-only got it yesterday and didn’t live long enough to try it out in Ulduar!  I’ve been enjoying face melting, however.  I can break 2k if I’m lucky and not nubbing it up.  I haven’t been caster DPS since I abandoned my poor mage ages and ages ago.

Flame Levithan died after only a couple of attempts, but someone made the mistake of putting me in charge of flinging people.  Rorfax was promptly flung to his death on the second try because I apparently can’t aim.  We’ll see how eager he is to heal with me from here on out…

We’ll wrangle with Naxx25 tonight, and I’ll be able to get a better feel for disc post 3.1 then. 

I had a dose of pally healing post 3.1 last night, in a guild-run VoA 10.  I promptly started bitching about single target Sacred Shield, because I kept forgetting.  I also nearly went oom keeping up our off tank, because hell those adds hit hard.  He died though, which is better than I’ve seen from pugs!

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Post Patch Day Maddness

First off, for my fellow squishies who are thinking for going shadow for the first time (shut up: I know I am not the only one who leveled a healing spec, damn it), Binary colors posted a lovely, simple “How Not To Suck” guide

Does that mean I went shadow for my dual spec?  No.  Lyr has purchased dual specs but as of yet chosen nothing.  I want to go shadow.  Ron, however, went Holy…and I know he doesn’t really want to go Holy (though he’s not as enamoured of the idea of Shadow as I am), so I feel strongly compelled to join him in suffering.  For the good of the guild, of course.  In other words, I’m waffling, as always.

I lost spellpower on Lyr.  This makes me a sad panda.  :(

Ambrosyne is sitting there entirely unspecced until I work out what, exactly, would be A Good Holy Spec.  She won’t have dual-specs for awhile-I r broke.  There is a slight temptation to go prot.

The problem with mass-respecs is that I have a lot of alts.  Like…a lot.  I have no idea what I want to do with some of them.  Since instance servers were down I spent much of my night flopping from one toon to the next.  I respecced Vainglory, my DK on Azgalor, Unholy…same as she was before.  Ambrosine-DK went from Frost pre-patch to Unholy, at least for now.  The chances of me leveling her are relatively slim.

That leaves me with: 55 mage (previously fire), 48 druid (previously kitteh), 70 hunter (BM forevah), and 75 warrior (previously prot).  Might take the mage frost for future leveling, have no idea what to do with the druid, need a good BM spec for the hunter (fuck you, Survival), and might dual spec the warrior prot/fury.   Gaaaah, decisions.

We are not hitting Ulduar tonight.  I advised against canceling our scheduled raid to better give us a shot and adjusting to class changes in a familiar enviornment.  Besides, some of us still need gear.  A more comprehensive report of how disc priests fare post-patch, and how two bubble-happy disc priests can co-exist in a raid shall fall upon your eyes tomorrow.

At least most of my mods were fine-Chatter was initially broken but was updated an hour or so later.  X-perl is functioning but…not entirely, as I can’t right click on any portraits to do anything.

“Amber, how did you leave the group?”
“…I logged.”

Didn’t get to test Grid but by all reports it continues to work.   Steve is bitching and moaning about how this was a terrible patch, but for those of us with longer memories, we know that this actually wasn’t too terrible.  Steve’s a nub.

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Musings: Healing Assignments

Dueg wrote a post about how he ended up getting stuck doing healing assignments, and the delicate balancing act that requires.

As I’ve touched on before I’ve ended up with this job, often to my consternation.  Sometimes I’ll be sitting there with Surgeon General open, hem hawing over assignments, when Mach will go, “Okay, pulling!” despite the fact that I…totally did not click on the ready button.  ‘Cause, you know, it’s under my damn addon window.  But whatever.  That’s Steve being a scrub. 

So I know paladins, and I know disc priests.  I know holy priests to an extent, but shamans and druids are my weak point.  Naturally they’re half our healing team.  I do better at knowing my team as individuals-Preamus is an amazingly adaptable disc priest, Yarp can heal the tank all damn day, and Zuki will fail the Ledge Boss if I don’t levitate him.  >.>   ilu, Zuki.  We’ll not speak of the time I failed the ledge boss.  Nope!

Comments you might see in our healer channel:
After Mach pulls and I wasn’t ready: hdsasdasdasdk wing it!
During fights where no real assignments are required: blah blah blah heal stuff and don’t die
and: If my assignments are retarded, or you’re bored, or something, let me know!

In our 25s, there’s generally 3 types of assignments.  You’re on one of the tanks, you’re on the raid, or you’re “floating”.  If you’re floating, that simply means I…didn’t really know what the hell to do with you, and trust your judgement enough to put your heals where it looks like they’re needed.  

I tend to use the holy paladins and the disc priests on tanks (duh), and on fights with spike damage I’ll use the druids to help…even things out, so to speak.  Resto Druid + Disc priest on the Maexxna tank also helps on those “oh shit can’t heal” moments.  Our resto druids do a lot of AoE healing duties because we only have the one holy priest, and our shamwow can’t make every raid.

It’s…interesting, and I’m terribly paranoid about sucking at it (which is nothing new for me).   Of course I haven’t had anyone TELL me I suck at it yet, though I know I need work.  Ron’s been great with making suggestions, at least.

In the quest for more feedback, I’ve posted asking for people to tell me what they like/dislike doing, and so forth.  We’ll see if that actually does any good or not!

I didn’t intend to get landed with this job though, damn it!

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Random rants are random.

So last night’s Naxx run was…uh…

…not great.  It started off with Zoja-aka mah Josh-running late, because he hadn’t fully gotten his new computer up and running yet.

“Didn’t he have time between getting home and the raid, Amber?”

Well, yeah, but I took it.  So there.  Josh is a smart man and knows that I win, even over a shiny new computer that gets like 80 fps in Naxx25 (I hate you, Josh).

So anyway, he was installing vent and stuff and running a bit behind.  We also had a couple of no shows, and Steve morphed into CRANKY STEVE.  There’s something about a cranky GM that’s contagious, unfortunately, and I had to…gently remind…one of our officers that yelling shut up over vent wasn’t terribly conductive.  Despite the air of stupid in the raid that night, we weren’t quite that bad. 

Not to say that I was not cranky.  I was cranky, trust me.  Do you know how to make a healer cranky?  Let me tell you a few ways:

-Say sarcastically after a wipe: “Thanks for the heals.”
One of our DPS did this last night, and it’s just as well we only did one boss after that because he entered the No Heals For You Zone.  Where the fuck was the DPS, man?  If you’d killed it faster you totally wouldn’t have needed heals!  It was an accidental double pull in this case (to my understanding-this healer was hanging around the boss for lewtz).  When extra mobs are pulled, who tends to die first?  If you guessed THE HEALERS, then CONGRATS YOU WIN!!!!  Seriously, what the hell?  I again “gently” reminded people not to make those sort of remarks.

-Say, on the Dance Master Boss, that you need cleanses.
No shit?  So do a dozen other people.  Bite me.  
It would go faster if all the healers were actually cleansing, but that’s another kettle of fish.  

Also, touching upon the whole raiding with a significant other topic: I am not his fucking babysitter.  Dating a raid leader and tank apparently has its issues.

Where is he?  What, do I look like a Josh GPS Tracker?  I don’t know-he got up and left the room.  He mentioned getting food, didn’t he?  Then he’s probably in the kitchen!   I don’t feel the need to give minute by minute Josh Updates to the five people who whisper me.  

Is he going to dock his own DKP for being late?  No, he’s totally going to be a douche and abuse the fact that he is Teh DKP Mastah by breaking his own damn rules!  For some reason being asked that irritated the ever living shit out of me.  Actually, I know the reason, and it has to do with people essentially questioning the integrity of my boyfriend.   DIAF.  Yes, I know he’s sometimes a tardbucket.  He’s the Most Awesome Ever Boyfriend, but not always the Most Awesome Ever Raid Leader.  Deal.  Still, he’s not going to abuse the system that way.

Is he alt tabbed again? Yeah, probably.  He’s like a hyperactive little kid sometimes-always has to be doing something.  Seriously, I left him alone in the car once to do something real quick and I came back to find that he’d taken apart his dashboard.  The guy is wickedsmart, but that also means that any idle time-even in raids-finds his attention wandering.   Don’t worry, I am here for you to turn to whenever he doesn’t instantly respond to-wait, what?  No!  Leave me the fuck alone!  I am not his god damned answering service! 

Whatever, I got the Forethought Talisman last night.  Woo!

Roughly What Happened In Healer Channel, As Bids Go In
Me: It’s really hard not to turn around and look at your bids, guys!  XD
Kyr: If you win it…
Me:  >.>
Lyrandre receives item: Forethought Talisman
Me: <.<

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