Posts Tagged pugs make me cry inside

Special Cookie of the Week

I’m well familar with fail pugs, especially now that my tree is in that span of levels that throws shiny new DKs at me.

I’ve zoned in, in cat form, and had them pull before I could switch specs.  Or regain mana.  Or even switch to the proper gear.  I’ve had them ignore my pleas for mana, chain pull as I try to drink, and then die and leave group in a huff.  That’s almost normal for me at this point.  I even had all of that in one group yesterday, but that’s not what I’m really posting about today…because that was not the Crowning Moment of Fail.

No, the crowning moment of fail came at the end of the instance, when I rolled on–and won–a ring.

O.o

o.O

O.O

>.<

What the fuck?!  Man, I wish I was healing you with tree punches…to the face.  It’s one thing to not know the nuances of classes I don’t play.  I don’t even know the nuances of other specs of classes I DO play.  But to insist that a resto druid doesn’t use spell power?   What?  Where have you been, sirrah? 

“lol omg your gonna pull that one”
That one what?  Have other people told you that rest druids use spell power before?  Have you stopped to consider that IT MAY BE BECUASE THEY’RE FUCKING CASTERS AND USE FUCKING SPELLPOWER?

“I got a 80.”  I KNOW EVERYTHING THERE IS TO KNOW ABOUT EVERYTHING, FUCK YEAH.

/boggle

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Tanking Misadventures

If you want to know just how much of a fail tank I really am, you need to see me on Lyestra.  There’s something about flailing around as a warrior that is great for destroying any WoW-related ego I have. 

I am-at least, by how I measure such things-an inexperienced tank.  I leveled my paladin as holy, only picking up tanking after acquiring a fairly decent set of gear when Kara was on farm.  I spent some time tanking a few heroics and Kara before I transferred to Azglor…where Steve was cruel and threw me into SSC OTing. 

I had my prot warrior to 80 in those days, but she never even set foot in a heroic.  Neglected alt was neglected.

When the pre-Wrath patch hit and fubar’d all my tanking gear (that oh so carefully juggled combination of tanky stats and spell power), I went back holy,only picking prot back up well into Wrath. 

I’m not sure that such a sporadic, mostly raid-based career as a perpetual OT was the best way to go.  I like to think that I don’t suck…on my paladin.  My warrior, however, seems to be a constant flail fest of lost aggro.   Maybe this is just because I’ve never geared up as a tank before.  My paladin always started with a collection of hoarded epics.  Lyestra has started from scratch so to speak, and may be suffering for it.

This shaky tanking career is probably why things like this are terrifying:

omg omg omg omg omg omg omg!  Performance anxiety, performance anxiety!  This is only an alt!  What am I doing!

I felt immensely clever for things like dropping consecrate in one alcove and then running to another so that I could easily pick up two of the three spawns right off the bat.  It doesn’t take much to make me happy, though.  >.> 

We cleared all the way through Saurfang…albiet barely.  Saurfang was one of those post-enrage, one paladin left alive, bubbled and flailing wildly type kills.  I’ll take it, though!  Thank you, Pity Buff!

Of course as fail of a tank as I am, I know that certain behavior is uncalled for.  Let’s say, for example, that you are invited to tank for a weekly raid run.  The group consists mostly of a particular guild.  The other tank, who is a member of that guild, tells you to tank the adds.

Do you politely say okay?

Do you politely say okay even while inwardly bitching about how add duty sucks sweaty donkey balls?

Either of those is fine.  The following, however, is not:

And we’re kicking you from the fucking raid!  Good night, Fivestar douchecanoe!  Thanks for calling us all typical fucking children, you typical small dicked twatwaffle!  Enjoy your wasted raid lock-out!  I only regret not turning on trade in time to wield my rapier wit against your fail whining.

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How To Not Look Like A Useless Git In Heroics

1) Gem your fucking gear. 
Look, we’ve all gotten a new peice and looked at our funds and cringed.  In the very least, toss a blue-quality gem in there.  If you don’t have the funds to gem it yet, then…don’t wear it.  If I look at you and see multiple ungemmed pieces, though, I’m going to be slightly irked in your direction.  I don’t care if it’s “just a heroic”, that’s plain fucking lazy.  Dailies, go do them for golds.

1b is naturally ENCHANT your shit (at least, your good epic shit).  Even if you get +8 stats instead of +10 because +10 is OMG exepnsive, it shows some effort on your part.   If you don’t enchant your ilevel 200 gear…okay.  But your 245 pants?  Proooobably worth at least putting something on.  Some day you might want to do something more than get carried through shit.

2) Interrupt your chain heroics to repair, or you might end up looking kind of dumb like me

3) Ditto that but with ammo and reagents.

4) Don’t forget the part where you at least try to spec, gear, and perform with some semblence of knowledge.   Those can be an evolving process, but seriously?  EMPTY GEM SOCKETS ARE AN EASILY SOLVED PROBLEM.

This post brought to you by lingering butthurt over losing the polearm to a huntard with full…ungemmed…t9.  But also laughing at myself (see point 2).

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Bubble hearth, GO!

I joke about bubble hearthing because it’s just one of those things that comes with being a paladin, but it’s not something that I do. I play on a pvp server and I’m hopelessly terrible at pvp, but instead of bubble hearthing when someone gets a jump on me, I just stick it out. I don’t recall ever using it in instances, except maybe when I’m the only one alive and there are a bunch of ugly mobs who want to give me not nice hugs. Even that’s rare because I’m stubborn and it’s easier to just die and run back than it is to make way for the instance again, at least that was the case until the new dungeon teleport system. Bubble hearthing feels really rude in a way that my beloved Divine Intervention doesn’t, even though they pretty much perform the same function in avoiding repairs.

You see, I suffer from healer guilt. I like to make jokes about letting people die to fix their stupid, but in reality I do my best to keep everyone alive because I’d feel bad if I didn’t. I don’t bail on instance groups after wipes – in part because I want to make things work, and because I would feel guilty about letting another healer stumble into a mess that I left behind. So basically, it takes some real abuse for me to throw up my hands and say “screw it”.

For the first time in a long time, I reached my breaking point. It was Drak’tharon Keep; the tank was rushing but it wasn’t anything unmanageable because RAWR PALADIN MANA POOL (/flex). But after we downed King Dred, the druid tank asks us to wait at the bottom of the stairs. His warrior friend (from the same realm and guild) repeats this, and expounds with “DON’T FOLLOW HIM, DO NOT HEAL” in all caps, I guess so we’d know he was serious. I decided to humor them, and when the druid rounds up about 4 groups and goes splat as he’s pulling them down the stairs (well out of my healing range) I laugh a little and get ready for what’s probably going to be a wipe, because it just wasn’t very likely that I’d be able to keep a dps warrior alive with four packs of angry trolls on him. Like I thought, he dies before I can even get a holy light on him, but all the while he’s freaking out in party chat.

After that he proceeded to call me a dumb cunt.

Bubble hearthing? Was totally warranted. It even felt GOOD.

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No, I have no idea how to play my class, please tell me more.

Josh wants to work on his DK’s gear, so I volunteered to tank for him-as a DPS, nothing beats having a tank buddy for insta-queues.  My paladin could still use some badge gear, as I do use her for Ulduar hard mode tanking.  

As always, I am…quite vocal while tanking.  Josh is treated to a slew of commentary, usually along the lines of “You know, I can hold the aggro on that caster over there just fine IF YOU DON’T FUCKING TOUCH IT YOU FUCKING MORON!” and “I guess the concept of waiting until I position the mobs is entirely foreign to you.”

In one particular Halls of Lightning run, I was pulling conservatively.  Not only do I tend to this out of habit, but the group had already proven that they couldn’t keep their trigger happy mitts off single mobs I was dragging.  

This does, however, often leave me faced with mana problems-I’m usually running around sans a piece of armor and using Seal of Wisdom.   This was the case in HoL, but things had gone mostly smoothly.  I say mostly because we did have some cases of Oh Look The Melee Died, but that was mostly the rogue not realizing that running out of The Bad was generally better for his health.

I would also like to note that the only time I had issues with aggro was when Josh ended up in Frost Presence.  Yet for some reason, as we’re clearing the trash to Loken, I get a whisper from the warlock.

“Did you know that Seal of Vengeance does more threat?”

I halted.  All sorts of surprise and sarcasm welled forth (“No shit?”), but I managed a polite, “I know, but I’m overgeared to the point where I have mana problems in old heroics, so  use Wisdom.”  And unable to help myself, I pointed out Vengeance is not the seal to use on trash, regardless.  Mobs don’t live long enough for the stacks to be really useful.

…so they oh so helpfully told me I should chain pull.

“Ah,” I said, “but I’ve learned I can’t always trust the DPS to behave in random heroics, making chain pulling difficult.”  I continue to boggle at how much some people struggle with the concept of letting the tank position mobs.

I got a non-committal response with a : \ face.

…then I whined to Josh that I was being told how to tank, and he initiated a vote-kick for the person.  /facepalm

I’m just wondering why the hell someone would feel compelled to try to tell me how to play when I’m not having any fucking problems.  The rogue died when all the slag mobs exploded?  Not due to threat on my part.  The DK and the rogue died on the lightning crackly boss because they can’t get out of the fucking way?  Not my problem.  I even generally held all the trash, so I’m not sure why this stranger on the internet felt compelled to tell me I was using the “wrong” seal when anyone who actually plays a fucking pally tank would know exactly why I was using Wisdom.

How about you don’t make an already timid tank second guess herself further by keeping your fucking mouth shut?

Thank you.

Oh by the way, did you know that you shouldn’t use fear in an instance?  It’s really annoying.

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Mondays are for screenshots!

Mmm, lazy Monday posts. 

I…I don’t even know quite how to respond to that.

If these three people aren’t dead on trash, we’re doing it wrong.  Also, note Zoja out of range in the upper corner because he alt-tabbed out again.  \o/

The draenei death sprawl amuses me to this day.  By the way, that part of the floor?  Strawberry flavored.

Math fails at a lot of things.  That’s okay, though, we love him anyway.

In the distant past of WoW, one would DI someone who could rez the raid.  With teleporters making it faster to run back in ICC, now DI is often used as a tool of ass-kissing instead.  “Here, escape repair bills this wipe,” it says lovingly. 


Trufax.  Just a tip, guys: if you pug into a mostly guild run of older content, don’t be a loud know it all.  Even if we do wipe on Faction Champions…you let Jaraxxus kill two people by standing there and not attacking the boss.  Yeah you, the tank.  That sort of thing makes the following commentary rather lulzy:


WE WEREN’T LISTENING TO YOU BECAUSE WE ALL MUTED YOU BECAUSE YOU WERE ANNOYING AS FUCK.   ALSO THIS WAS A MOSTLY ALT RAID, BITE ME.

Anyway.  Where was I?

Monday Screenshot Post could be easily renamed to “things Ori says”.

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Just a little rant about holy paladining.

I think that when the WoW game designers are creating challenges for healing in new 5 man content, the thought process almost always goes towards “Yeah, let’s put in some AoE damage, that’ll do it!” Yeah, well as a holy paladin all I can say is SCREW YOU, Blizzard. I am disappointed in you, go sit in your corner. >(

This has been our weak point since the expansion started (and before then too, of course), though they have improved it a little bit over time, with letting overheals transfer through Beacon (yay, hax). But the fact that my freshly 80 resto druid with only a couple of T9 ilvl 232 pieces and a whole bunch of blues can keep a group up through heroic Pit of Saron just as easily (and maybe a little better) than my ICC geared holy paladin is just a big old slap in the face.

I joke about making Sophie’s choice when it comes to which of the dps will stay alive, but in all honesty it’s not fun. I don’t like having to make that call when I don’t feel that I should have to, because other healers don’t. I don’t like that I have to be able to throw heals at lightening speed to keep everyone alive, or the fact that you have to be geared to the teeth to even make that possible. I can’t even imagine how frustrating it is to be a newly 80 paladin trying to keep up! Actually, I kind of can because there was a point when heroics were HARD and I used to lose people to silly standing in things gimmicks much more frequently than I do now. One of my first healing experiences was wiping repeatedly in Gundrak because people stood in the poison. “But my holy priest can keep everyone up through that!” Well I am not a priest, so just do what you’re supposed to, ffs.

I realize that the game designers want to keep us in our nice little tank healing OMG BIG BALLS OF HOLY LIGHT niche, but it makes me angry that they don’t take that into consideration when designing encounters that aren’t raids, in content that is meant to be accessible by everyone. All three of the newest heroics are basically difficult because there are pulls where everyone is taking damage. Not such a big issue when you have chain heal, HoTs, CoH, or even shields, but when all you have is some Bacon, an instant cast on a cooldown, and a little heal with a cast time, it can be a big fat pain.

Just having people die is annoying. It’s even worse when people don’t understand that, so you get a lot of cries of “wtf, why didn’t you heal me through that?” and “you suck at healing!”. Yeah, well you suck at killing the boss fast enough to not get hit by the AoE, or at just plain getting out of the AoE. SO THERE.

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Friday…Venn Diagram?

Many thanks once more to Pixie Stix!

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Cockmongers of the Vindication Battlegroup

The Lady Cranky Tank

lol thanks for the help now get the fuck out of my instance

Way to leave right before a boss in VH.  Heaven forbid you have to deal with people who recently dinged 80.  I know VH is SO HARD to heal, especially when we’re still keeping up with portals and no one has even come close to dying yet.    Fuck you.

Congrats, Coldsin, you’re the only decent person I pugged with all weekend.  Rehabilitate, you’re a douchenozzle.  One of these days you’re going to run into mobs with your impatient darting ahead of the tank, and I hope they let you die.  Please spec out of disc so that you don’t shame my kind anymore.

What is this I don’t even

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Shield to Face II: Rumors Are True

As my priest and even as my hunter, I didn’t see much asshattery.  Stupid, yes, but not asshattery.  Of course things with my warrior, as I predicted, were…different.

Enter my warrior tank and suddenly OH GOD, people are UTTER ASSHOLES.

Ironically, you know who the worst ones are?  The healers.  Oh lord, my fellow healers, you can be fucking jerks!  I mean I’m a right snarky bitch, this is true, but I’ll never leave a group in VH right before a boss spawn.  No one had died, we weren’t going too slow (we were keeping up with portal spawns, and you just can’t do better than that) but the tree abruptly declared that we sucked and left.   As the incoming boss warning spammed my screen.

Wut?  Fuck you too, tree. 

My poor warrior gets in these groups where DPS pulls first, or the healer runs clear to the other side of the instance with mobs (FUCK YOU ROOM OF DOOM IN HOS), and suddenly everything is my fault.  Oh, that’s assuming people don’t just take one look at my gear and leave group at the start.  I spent one UK run flailing because the ret pally was pulling everything first and at the end the healer calls me a bad tank and leaves. 

No, no, fuck you.  I’m not the best warrior tank-of course not!  But you can’t expect perfection when the DPS won’t give me even 1 bloody second to try to use Heroic Throw to grab a caster before AoEing and dragging the mobs to hell and back.  Bwuh.  And invariably, the first person to leave…the person to talk the worst shit…was the healer.

Every single god damned time.  The DPS was usually no more than derp derp stupid, though I’d occasionally get the PULL FASTER commentary from them.

I present the face of a snarky bitch here in my blog, but I would never bail on a group like that, or say some of the shit I had said to me this weekend.  Never.  I was baffled that “my fellow healers” could be such a group of cumguzzling cockmongers.

/boggle

Lyestra the warrior is done with full random pugs.

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