Posts Tagged rage like Rilgon

5 Things Your Pug Healer Wants You To Know

/wave to Altadin for the tank version.
There’s also a general DPS, mage, and DK version.  I copied first though, damn it!

1. Just because I have good gear does not mean you can be stupid.
Yes, my priest is solidly decked out.  No, this doesn’t mean you can do whatever the hell you want.  I can keep a tank up through most things a 5 man can dish out, but if the DPS is standing in bad?  Uh, no.  I’m a high crit, low haste disc priest healer set up for raid tank healing.  I am not set up to deal with all 5 of you trying to die at once.  Cut it the fuck out.

2. If you insist on running too far ahead of me, running out of range/line of sight, don’t get upset when you die.  It’s your own damn fault.

3. My mana bar is not your fucking buffet table.  I don’t want to have to run in after a wipe, buff, go OOM, drink, then have to heal you lazy gits and drink again.  Half the time we don’t have a mage so I’m using purchased water, so you can purchase some fucking food.  My own guildies were doing this to me last night and I wanted to slap them.  The only person who can get away with that level of lazy is Cranky Tank.  Unless you, too, are fucking your healer, don’t do it!  And then you’d better be good, because lazyness plus lousy sex is just fucking terrible.

4. Don’t pull aggro on mobs, then feign/soul shatter/cock ice block next to your healer.  I don’t want it, either, you dipshit!

5.  Don’t stupidly pull aggro on the waves of trash on the Two Dudes fight in HoR.
‘Cause then you almost die, and I panic and heal you, so they aggro on ME and then I die and we wipe AGAIN and just what the fuck hold on a god damn second will you?  Kthx.

BONUS 6. When it says “stop DPS” then you should STOP DPS…because usually, continuing DPS means you’re killing one of your team mates.  Seriously WTF?  No.  Here’s the secret: I CAN heal through stupid some of the time, I just choose not to. Okay?  Okay.  Don’t make me lose my penance button.

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37 Comments

How To Express An Opinion Without Being A Dick II

Dear Children Masquerading As Raiders And Even Officers In My Guild,

Can you grow the fuck up?  Look, I realize that So and So has an opinion you don’t agree with.  I realize that he has all the tact of a 16 year old in the middle of an emo fit with his parents sometimes.  But that doesn’t mean that you have carte blanche to turn around and act 5, instead. You can damn well put your epeens away and cut out the snide remarks.  It doesn’t help, and it doesn’t make you look better, nevermind right.  And when two of you are officers and in the middle of a raid, you really have no fucking excuse.

God damn, people.

Maybe said person needs to be removed from the guild, maybe he just causes too much strife because we’re not a good fit for him but, damn.  Again, not permission to act like children yourselves.   You can take your dodge/parry/stam stacking bloodshed somewhere else, and not during raid time.

RAWR.

-Angry Healer with the GM Hat

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I KNOW ALREADY!

Dear Tank,

I know you need heals.  I see that your green bar is less green than it should be.

I know you have aggro.  There is a red outline around the square with your name in it.

I know you have stacks of the debuff on you, there’s a wee little icon with a wee little number in it on my UI.

In other words, I KNOW, SHUT THE FUCK UP, CLEAR VENT FOR SHIT WE DON’T ALREADY KNOW. 

From now on, any time you say “heal me!” I will repond equally inanely with “TPS the boss!”

No love,
The person who assigned individual healers to each tank, and was assigned to you and doing nothing but heal you…no, really

P.S.,

This isn’t the first time I’ve written a letter just like this for you.  WTF?

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33 Comments

Raid from Hell

It was one of those nights.  Cranky Tank is recovering from the flu and Fearless Leader is coming down with it.  Some raiders seemed to have left their brains at home and stupid wipes were had.  The loot gods were not kind.  RL stress frayed tempers.  I, ever the emotion sponge, soaked it all up and expoloded it right back at everyone (my response to one tank’s “heal me!” was “TPS the boss!”).

Normally, I try to keep spirits up with Amber’s Patended Random Silly, but even that was shot down.  Steve has been refusing to give me assist, which means I can’t /rw spam.  Aside from making me a very sad panda, this also puts a crimp on my role as healing lead.  Vent can get chaotic, and even my healers with perfect hearing can’t always catch what I need them to, nevermind the one without.  Whisper and raid chat can be lost, too.  Let’s face it, /rw makes a noise and splashes red text on your screen for a reason.  There’s some logic behind my request beyond my desire to be a dork, like telling Tank Healer #3 to cover Tank #2 because Tank Healer #1 decided to stand in front of a worm (I’m fucking brilliant some days, let me tell you). 

I have my other gripes, as well.  I disagree with having seven healers for ToC.  How about we make our people learn to not hug opposite color orbs, and other such lazy dumbfuckery?  What about dispells?  Can you learn to do those?  We have some damned fine healers and it doesn’t take much for boredem to set in.  We did fine with 6 healers before when I decided to be a bitch and ignore Steve, and we’ll do fine with 6 again.  The most fun I’ve had in ToC was one ToC 10 with one of our more undergeared healers.  My mana bar was screaming!  It was work!  Holy shit!  I LOVED IT.  …you want us to have HOW MANY HEALERS in a 25 man?

One of our tanks also has aquired the Grate On Amber’s Nerves debuff.   This is…not cool.  It applies stacks, and after so many stacks I just want to scream.  In fact, he gets a post all on his own!…again.

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Raiding With Your SO and Not Killing Them

…can be really hard.

I really wanted to punt Josh last night, which is a hilarious image if you consider the fact that I’m 5’9 and 125 lbs at most and he’s 6’10 and 280.  I could maybe get him to move a couple of inches if I ran into him going full tilt, but I don’t think I can punt him.

Anyway.

Look, kidlets, if you raid with your significant other you have to remember that what you do in a raid isn’t just affecting 9 or 24 strangers.  It’s affecting 8 or 23 people and the person you have the warm fuzzies for.  This means that if you’re aggravating people by standing far down the hall because you tabbed out to read something else and everyone is waiting on you to buff, your other half may very well be thinking of slapping you and unlike everyone else they can actually do it.

In any case, why the hell is it a-ok to aggravate said strangers, anyway?  If you’re in a raid then FOR FUCK’S SAKE RAID OR LEAVE. 

I won’t even touch the “officers should set an example” aspect of it.

Besides, if people know that you’re a couple and you’re not responding, guess who people are going to pester?  Yep!  Your SO!  Who the hell doesn’t want to act like your mother?  …yup, same answer!

Ashdajshdajshdjas.

…this is why Josh should not be allowed to bring home new toys on raid nights.  He wants to play with the toy, rather than raid. 

PAY ATTENTION OMG.

Derp derp.

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The Role of the Hybrid

Twitter was annoying me earlier.  What was Twitter annoying me about?

*points at title*

Hybrids.  Specifically, whether or not a DPS hybrid “should” have a heal or tanking dual-spec.  Is a person who plays a hybrid class as only DPS an instant second stringer, or otherwise looked down upon?  Why should they be?  Just because they can tank/heal doesn’t mean that they want to.  Even if they do want to, there’s a possibility that they won’t be any good at it.

“very little sympathy for people who don’t want to do what the raid needs” was one comment.  How is forcing someone into what they don’t like helpful?  Oh sure, it’ll get you by in the meantime, but over time they’ll get cranky, and either their performance/attendance will start to flag, or they’ll /gquit entirely.  What’ll that get ya?

Far better to find someone willing to make the adjustment, or who already fulfills that role.

Besides, where does that put every rogue, hunter, mage, and warlock?  Are they now also second stringers because they can’t tank or heal?  No?  Why not?  If you demand that all of your hybrids be able to fill one of those other roles or be looked down upon, why not the pure DPS?

I’d rather have happy DPS that has to rotate raid slots than happy DPS and one pissed off holy paladin.

Then again I’m also the priest that twitches when you mention holy, so make of that what you will.

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35 Comments