Posts Tagged things we say in the healer channel

Cho’gall: Heal All The Things

My only active healing character at the moment is my 61 shaman, so I consulted with one of my healers for the details on this fight.  The way she put things was entirely too amusing, so have a delightful copy-pasta post! AKA, part of my grand scheme to make my guildies write all my blog posts for me.

I mean, um, guest posting.  It’s guest posting.  See, I even linked to her blog.

For this fight we drop down to two heals while the other lucky soul gets to go DPS.  I suggest wrist guards for the two healers so that they don’t give into the urge to commit suicide mid-fight, although Jen argues that you don’t even have time to think of that.


It starts out all “lalala this isn’t so bad” for a few seconds and then with worships and fire patches, you get on your toes a little bit more.
 By the time the first add comes up, there’s shit flying everywhere and your Cho tank is OMGWHEREISYOURHEALTH and you have to run and snipe off heals and then your ranged are all spread out and my chain heal says FUCK YOU ALL and then they group up nice and properly again and you top them off and breathe for a split second before the next add. 
And then you rinse and repeat until phase two, and that’s just sniping off heals at ALL THE BARS and remembering to use CDs and blow everything and someone just kill him pleeeeeease.


I try to stay with the tank, and then when you kite across, I usually stay in the middle-ish so I can reach ranged as well.
AoE heals like rain are nice for when we’re all grouped, but it’s more mana intensive so use reactively.

Phase One:

Phase one is all about mana conservation and triage.

Phase Two:

Phase two is just heal the fuck out everyone you can. I try to save all cooldowns (except the mana regen ones) for phase two.

Remember, let the DPS who stand in bad the most die first. Priorities, people!

And a final note on tank healing:

Ooh, Cho’gall tank (when you guys swap and one runs off with the add) gets squishy. I don’t know what the mechanic is, but you want to be careful to keep your Cho tank healed up, occasionally resorting to OHFUCKHEALFASTER tourrettes.
Because that totally increases your haste rating.  /nod

And that is how you heal Cho’gall.

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Monday Screenshots

I’ve been neglecting to do one of these for awhile, so here, have a bunch of screenshots.

Here at BoO, boobs are a popular topic.  As cranky as Cranky Tank (Zoja) may be, at least we know there is one thing in the world that will always make him happy…

Apparently we can twist just about anything into a conversation about them.

The healer channel is for important communication between our healers and discussing the finer points of raid strats and assignments.  

I tried really hard to think of something witty to say about this next screenshot, but I’m afraid the re-reading it made me just as speechless as when this conversation actually occured.

I spent a lot of time taking pictures of my priest on her hippogriff.  I love this hippogriff, even though I continue to argue that a “proper” hippogriff does not have ANTLERS. 

For some reason, certain people in the guild love nothing more than to make fun of me.  >:|

If you’re going to leave a raid right before the last boss pull, at least have a good excuse:

So we’re on Stinky and I’m trying frantically not to die…and suddenly…an IM window pops up over my WoW!  Argh!  Who the fuck-WAIT.  WAIT A MINUTE.  YOU OF ALL PEOPLE SHOULD NOT BE POKING ME RIGHT NOW.

Click for readable size.

 Dead birds nailed to shoulders…check.  Creepy skull staff, check.  Ugly ass kilt, check.  Desperate desire to hide in a dark corner where I cannot be seen?  Also check.

When bored in an instance, I might well start talking to myself. 

Ori gets terribly excited about DEing things.

Gives a new meaning to discipline priest:

We only allow certain bad jokes to be told by certain people.  if you do not “own” said bad joke, I will be sure to correct you.

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Mondays are for screenshots!

Mmm, lazy Monday posts. 

I…I don’t even know quite how to respond to that.

If these three people aren’t dead on trash, we’re doing it wrong.  Also, note Zoja out of range in the upper corner because he alt-tabbed out again.  \o/

The draenei death sprawl amuses me to this day.  By the way, that part of the floor?  Strawberry flavored.

Math fails at a lot of things.  That’s okay, though, we love him anyway.

In the distant past of WoW, one would DI someone who could rez the raid.  With teleporters making it faster to run back in ICC, now DI is often used as a tool of ass-kissing instead.  “Here, escape repair bills this wipe,” it says lovingly. 

Trufax.  Just a tip, guys: if you pug into a mostly guild run of older content, don’t be a loud know it all.  Even if we do wipe on Faction Champions…you let Jaraxxus kill two people by standing there and not attacking the boss.  Yeah you, the tank.  That sort of thing makes the following commentary rather lulzy:


Anyway.  Where was I?

Monday Screenshot Post could be easily renamed to “things Ori says”.

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5 Things Your Pug Healer Wants You To Know

/wave to Altadin for the tank version.
There’s also a general DPS, mage, and DK version.  I copied first though, damn it!

1. Just because I have good gear does not mean you can be stupid.
Yes, my priest is solidly decked out.  No, this doesn’t mean you can do whatever the hell you want.  I can keep a tank up through most things a 5 man can dish out, but if the DPS is standing in bad?  Uh, no.  I’m a high crit, low haste disc priest healer set up for raid tank healing.  I am not set up to deal with all 5 of you trying to die at once.  Cut it the fuck out.

2. If you insist on running too far ahead of me, running out of range/line of sight, don’t get upset when you die.  It’s your own damn fault.

3. My mana bar is not your fucking buffet table.  I don’t want to have to run in after a wipe, buff, go OOM, drink, then have to heal you lazy gits and drink again.  Half the time we don’t have a mage so I’m using purchased water, so you can purchase some fucking food.  My own guildies were doing this to me last night and I wanted to slap them.  The only person who can get away with that level of lazy is Cranky Tank.  Unless you, too, are fucking your healer, don’t do it!  And then you’d better be good, because lazyness plus lousy sex is just fucking terrible.

4. Don’t pull aggro on mobs, then feign/soul shatter/cock ice block next to your healer.  I don’t want it, either, you dipshit!

5.  Don’t stupidly pull aggro on the waves of trash on the Two Dudes fight in HoR.
‘Cause then you almost die, and I panic and heal you, so they aggro on ME and then I die and we wipe AGAIN and just what the fuck hold on a god damn second will you?  Kthx.

BONUS 6. When it says “stop DPS” then you should STOP DPS…because usually, continuing DPS means you’re killing one of your team mates.  Seriously WTF?  No.  Here’s the secret: I CAN heal through stupid some of the time, I just choose not to. Okay?  Okay.  Don’t make me lose my penance button.

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Reasons I Raid

GMail chats at work:

Kyrilean Silverblade: guild nate?
me: what?
Kyrilean Silverblade: ^
Amber: it’s his guild nate, too
me: oh, stfu
Kyrilean Silverblade: <3 u 2 sweetheart
me: you are such a twit
I should buy your wife a present for putting up with you
Kyrilean Silverblade: lmao
me: and breeding with you, even
Kyr spawn is scary
Kyrilean Silverblade: omg lol

This is what happens when you baby spice someone on a Sandbox Tiger, they dismount, and a normal sized person gets on…

Fucking DJ.  Don’t listen to him, he’s so full of shit I made a new rank called Twilight Fan to demote him to.  And yes, it was muted.

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